Perpetual Existence
by ericastwilight
Summary: Edward discovers every decision has consequences. But is he defined by the choices he makes? Can he resist temptation? My entry for the Twilight Tricks and Treats Contest.
1. Sixteen

**My entry for the Twilight Tricks and Treats Contest**

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 **Penname: ericastwilight**

 **Beta: Midnight Cougar**

 **Prereader: myonlyheroin**

 **Title of Story: Perpetual Existence**

 **Rating: M**

 **Pairing: E/B**

 **Genre: Drama/Suspense**

 **Word Count:** **11,988**

 **Story Summary:** **Edward discovers every decision has consequences. But is he defined by the choices he makes?**

 **Standard Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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 **Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter One - Sixteen**

* * *

 _ **October – Senior Year**_

The cool, fall day starts as any other. Having an endless life makes every day bleed into the next. It is simply another day in purgatory, aka high school; they're one in the same to me. I shift through the thoughts of my family, wincing when I catch a glimpse of Emmett's naked backside.

Again.

For the millionth time.

I avoid the mirror in my room as I leave, knowing I'll find nothing but flat, black eyes. There's no need to check if my hair looks good or if the colors of my clothes go well together.

I know they do.

My mother, Esme, whistles as I descend the staircase. Her tune matches perfectly to the fifties music playing in the background. The arrangement she's working on will add autumn touches throughout the house. Small pumpkins and gourds ripe with bright colors are the clear focal point.

Alice chats with Esme about the local police chief's daughter's postponed move to Forks coming to an end. The seemingly sweet girl they met briefly early spring, had to return to Arizona for her mother and stepfather due to an accident.

I try to tune out their inconsequential discussion, realizing too late that in doing so, my mind focuses on Emmett and Rosalie.

They've yet to put their amorous thoughts to rest.

Jasper groans nearby. "They do this on purpose, I swear." He has reason to complain; their mood will affect him, and the only way to deal with the excess is to channel it outward.

The last time my siblings caused Jasper to expel their mood it was to the unsuspecting students and faculty at school; resulting in Jessica Stanley's pregnancy, and is why Mr. Banner and Shelly Cope never make eye contact anymore.

No one but me knows who the father of Jessica's baby is—though, Mike has an inkling it's him. Jessica, however, hasn't allowed it to slow her down, and she's still top of her class.

I digress. The last thing we need is another incident of "spring fever" in the middle of fall at Forks High.

Emmett says a muffled, "Fuck you, _Jazz_ ," from his room _._

I roll my eyes and head to the garage, since I rather not catch a blast of that mood from Jasper.

Alice giggles as I pass her and Esme, winking at me. "I'll take care of Jazz before we leave."

I give her a look she pointedly grins at. _"I did not need to know that, Alice."_ I see myself answer in her vision. I walk out before I hear and see more of their encounter. They try for my benefit to rein it in, knowing I long for companionship. Sometimes, they utterly fail.

Carlisle has yet to leave for work at the hospital. He claps me on the shoulder, having heard the conversation from inside. He transfers bags of more pumpkins and sprays of fall leaves for Esme into his other hand.

" _The fall usually makes…"_

I cock an eyebrow, shaking my head. "We're all well aware that no matter the season, Emmett and Rosalie are unable to curb their appetites for each other."

He tries not to laugh as he heads inside, accompanying Esme's whistling tune when he joins her.

I slip into my new Volvo; the SUV is much roomier than my old car, though it is only Alice and me attending school this year. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper are heading into the city with it today because their vehicles are much too ostentatious for their outing.

A heavy beat from the stereo starts along with the engine, each purring as I pull out of the garage. I turn up the volume as I sense the mood shifting inside the house. Maybe it's best for me to leave now; they can always pick up the Volvo at school. Instead, I focus on the music, closing my eyes and trying to find notes for a new composition, but finding none.

Inspiration dead.

Within two songs, my siblings join me, each looking like their perfect selves; gold eyes, porcelain skin, and satisfied smiles.

I'm not bitter.

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.

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* * *

Alice groans in the passenger seat beside me, rubbing her temples.

"What do you keep seeing?" Jasper's concern is clear in his soft tone.

My sister turns to her husband in the backseat, offering him a smile. To me she directs her thoughts, _"Can you explain please?"_ I try to make sense of what I've seen in her visions. "My future seems to be uncertain, there seems to be many possibilities." My stone brow furrows as Alice's thoughts speed up, catching only flickers of many visions.

 _Me, in my car, racing out of town._

 _Me, standing at the scene of a car accident, blue and red flashing lights in the background._

 _Me, climbing an unfamiliar tree._

 _Me, on my knees, anguished sobs falling from my lips._

"Was there anything leading to those visions?" Jasper wants answers and for Alice to stop hurting.

I slow down for a millisecond, wondering if choosing _not_ to go to school will lead to the strange series of visions. Though, they seem not to be on the same day, as I'm wearing something different in some of them.

Alice shakes her head, wincing and holding her face in her hands. "The more I try to see, the worse my head hurts."

"Then stop." Jasper sends a soothing wave of calm to her, instantly relaxing her shoulders and posture. His attention turns to me."Maybe you shouldn't go to school."

"I'll drive," Emmett volunteers, rubbing his hands together. He's been trying to drive my new car ever since Rosalie made a few enhancements to the engine.

"No." I floor the gas, looking at the road ahead and quickly maneuvering past a truck old enough to belong in a museum. The driver honking the horn hard. Strange, I don't hear her thoughts, which is why I barely miss hitting her beater.

The others laugh, Alice and Emmett turning to see the driver flip me off.

"I was nowhere near her."

Emmett snorts. "Great first impression with the new girl, Bro."

I'm not interested in impressing anyone, even the supposedly selfless daughter of our esteemed police chief.

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* * *

"I have Bella for fifth period, it appears." Alice seems keen on forming a friendship with the girl ever since they met during her stint here. "I'm going to say hi." She waves at the others and skips toward the office.

Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie are unsure about my attending class, considering Alice's strange visions. They don't bother to tell me, but I know they're planning to stay close instead of heading to Seattle.

"I'll be fine." I roll my eyes for the second time today. "Go to Seattle."

Jasper shrugs, but makes no promises. The others simply take my car keys, stating they'll be back in time to pick us up after school.

I head to my first period class of Calculus, finding it as tedious as usual. The only difference in the whispered discussions among my classmates is the topic.

The new girl.

I've seen her in the thoughts of many people since spring when she came and left within a day due to her mother and stepfather's accident. Over the course of my math class, I watch her explain to dozens of fellow students how they're much better and she's glad to be here.

She seems different than most of the girls in our school. Mostly keeping to herself, staying away from gossip, and a book is always present in her hand. Dressed in scuffed boots, slim jeans, and an oversized hoodie, she clearly likes to be comfortable.

The constant chatter throughout the school is easy enough to tune out, already finding the hormonal fantasies of the male student body starring her annoying and unimaginative.

Jessica Stanley, slightly round with child, clears her throat, turning to look at me.

 _Damn assigned seating._

"So, have you met Isabella Swan?"

"Bella." It's an automatic response, considering how many times the girl in question has corrected everyone she's met today. "And no." I don't look at her as I answer; my tone ending the conversation before it starts.

Jessica's small smile falters, looking ridiculous as she pouts.

.

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* * *

"Edward?" Alice appears the second I step toward my Physics class. Another flurry of visions sweeps through her mind at alarming speeds. No wonder she has a headache. Each one as disjointed as the one prior to it, not even our vampire brains can interpret them. "Maybe—"

"I'll be fine. There's nothing in the vicinity that is dangerous to me or any of you." I smirk, laughing a little. If there is, it will make the day much more interesting. "Maybe Physics will be so boring that I fantasize during the in-class movie."

"I guess it _could_ explain the visions." She doesn't seem to believe it, but shrugs anyway. "Can you keep it to a minimum? It still hurts."

I wince in sympathy; vampires rarely feel pain. For her to feel some because of my boredom does not sit well with me. "Yes," I whisper, intending to keep my promise.

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* * *

I step into the classroom as Mr. Banner reaches it and rolls in the ancient VCR cart. I make a note to myself to discuss with Esme the idea of another school donation. It is in desperate need of updating most of the equipment.

As I walk to my table in the back, I hear Mike and Eric bicker about who saw someone first, meaning he'll be able to ask her out first.

The urge to roll my eyes again is hard to ignore. The poor girl has only been in school for little over an hour and already they're betting on whom she'll go out with first. Taking my seat at the farthest table from the door, I turn toward the wall of windows. A light rain dots the glass, glistening with thousands of small rainbows I catch due to my enhanced vision. Much more interesting than petty squabbles.

Mike and Eric's vile conversation comes to an abrupt end as they both look up. Their eyes on the girl at the door. Everyone in the class stills as she softly asks if she has the right one.

Mr. Banner, jovial at the thought of another fresh mind, welcomes her with a loud clap that startles her. She giggles as he apologizes, blushing further due to her reaction.

Unfortunately, for her, the seat next to mine is the only one available. Humans have a natural instinct to give vampires like my family and me a wide berth. I ignore them all, watching the colorful rain and automatically moving my books from her side of our table.

Then she steps past the threshold, directly into the heating vent's path. The hot air amplifies the exquisite bouquet of her blood.

It hits me so hard I simply stop thinking and act on instinct.

The instinct to kill.

The instinct to feed.

The instinct to bite.

The instinct to quench my fiery throat.

I'm on my feet in less time than a blink of an eye. My hands are on her arms in the next moment, before she even takes another step. The fire intensifies as my mouth lowers to her neck. I don't fathom why, only that her skin gives way at the lightest touch of my razor-sharp teeth.

The first pull of her blood makes my eyes roll back, closing as her taste bursts on my tongue. Nothing in all my years on this godforsaken planet has ever tasted so sweet, so decadent that savoring every drop is vital to my existence.

Warmth emanates from her soft body, yielding against the hard planes of my own. At some point, my arms enclose her in the steel cage of my entire body. Her knees buckle as Mr. Banner's thoughts register what's happening.

He wants to stop me.

As if I will allow him.

Another pull of Bella's blood fills my mouth as my hand shoots up from her hip, smashing Banner's head against the steel door of the classroom. His ears and nose explode with blood, but it pales in comparison to the ambrosia coating my tongue.

If I'd known of its existence, I would've sought it until the ends of the earth.

Killed anyone or anything who tried to keep it from me.

The others start to panic, taking me away from the moment. I growl as I settle the girl on the floor, pouncing on Mike and Eric's table, smashing their heads together, their eyes popping out as they die. Angela Weber and Meagan Reed die next but quicker, each with a snap of their necks. I lose twenty seconds to kill every student, each one keeping me from savoring the girl's blood. Angering me for allowing her blood to cool.

I reach for her, her warm brown eyes meeting my red ones. For a moment, as her heart struggles to pump blood throughout her body, I feel remorse. It's gone as soon as my tongue finds a drop of her blood along the back of my teeth. I tuck her against me, her body much cooler and too weak to fight me.

I feast until her heart goes out and the monster within me has consumed every drop of her.

.

My mother, Esme, whistles as I descend the staircase. Her tune matches perfectly to the fifties music playing in the background. The arrangement she's working on will add autumn touches throughout the house. Tiny pumpkins and gourds ripe with bright color are the clear focal point.

Alice chats with Esme about the local police chief's daughter's postponed move to Forks coming to an end. The seemingly sweet girl they met briefly early spring, but who had to return to Arizona for her mother and stepfather due to an accident.

My steps falter as I enter the foyer, clarity escaping me for a brief second.

Alice notices, but says nothing, going back to her discussion with Esme.

Jasper groans nearby. "They do this on purpose, I swear."

Knowing what he's going to say is nothing new since I can hear his thoughts. This time, I know milliseconds before he thinks of his response to Emmett and Rosalie's mood upstairs. Confusion causes my brow to furrow as I head to the garage, ignoring the rest of the conversation between my siblings.

I hold up a hand to Alice before she can wink and say she'll take care of Jasper's problem.

 _What is going on?_ I ask myself a dozen times in the space of a second.

In my endless existence, there have been times where it feels like déjà vu on a daily basis. Days so similar to the one prior to it, it feels as though I already experienced the day. Is what I'm experiencing the same thing? I do not remember getting dressed; my first memory of the day is descending the stairs.

Has life become so tedious that I'm daydreaming impossible nightmares?

Carlisle is in the garage, carrying more pumpkins and fall foliage for Esme. He looks concerned, and I realize I've frozen for several seconds.

"Nothing." I can't tell him what's going on yet. If it's simply my imagination, I can't imagine the ridicule and relentless teasing at the hands of my siblings. I slip into my car and pull out of the garage, instantly quieting my stereo.

I swallow deeply as the dull ache in my throat intensifies. My memory—or fantasy—is quick to remind me how good the new girl tastes. Infuriatingly for the monster residing within me, my strange behavior kills the mood of my family, and my siblings join me before I can drive away.

My mood darkens as I ignore the silent bombardment of questions from the others as we race toward the school. Alice is unusually quiet as she rubs her temples. The images in her visions so fast, everything is a blur.

I remember what is supposed to happen next: I floor the car and hit the girl in the ancient truck I barely missed the first time around, my siblings screaming as I race out of my car. Our vehicles are heaps of twisted metal, scarcely coming to a stop as I reach for the unsuspecting girl.

She holds a hand to her bleeding head, a moan on her soft, pink lips.

I snarl as Jasper fights Alice and Emmett's hold.

"Get her out of here, Edward." Rosalie pushes Jasper toward the tree line, having no clue I'm already a step ahead of her and for a far more nefarious reason.

Then, suddenly, Alice screams, a look of horror on her face as her visions settle on one. "Stop him!"

I run, holding the unconscious girl with her wicked blood dripping down my arms.

I do not share.

Her blood is mine.

I will kill anyone in my way.

I throw Emmett off my back, sending him through multiple trees. I toss the arm I severed with my counter-attack behind me. Even with my precious cargo, I am faster. As Alice's vision stipulates, they will not stop me in time. Rosalie comes to a stop, realizing the girl's death is the only way to cover up anything she may have seen, and she goes to help reattach Emmett's shoulder.

Jasper is driven by bloodlust, making mine that much more potent.

I groan, desperate to taste it, to have it coat my tongue as her soft body undulates against me.

Alice is no match for Jasper and me as we come to a clearing and growl at each other.

I settle the girl onto the forest floor, crouched over her prone body. My eyes focus on Jasper, snarling at him. "Mine."

Alice tries to go around me, to reach for the girl. I snap at her, swiping her away with a brutal blow to her chest, sending her flying into the air hundreds of feet away.

Her scream drives Jasper into another instinct: to protect his mate. He runs toward Alice's soft sobs as I gather my cargo and escape into the wilderness.

Within minutes, I reach the base of Mount Rainer and gather the girl close. Her eyes open under a flutter of lashes, her soft moan eliciting something akin to concern.

"You hit me," she accuses, her hand reaching for the drying blood on her forehead.

I waste no time with pleasantries; it's cruel to do so. What am I supposed to say? _"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself before I suck your blood and I kill you."_

Her head lolls toward my shoulder, another groan on her lips. She exposes her luscious neck, the vein thick and pulsing with blood. It's an invitation, I reason, prior to taking what she unwittingly offers and sink my teeth into her supple skin.

Lost between lucidity and pain, she grumbles a complaint and punches my head feebly until her body softens in my hold, her arm falling to her side as her heart slows.

I register nothing else but the girl and the rich taste of her on my tongue, as her heart stops once more.

.

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* * *

I open my eyes as Jasper groans about Emmett and Rosalie's mood, a roar slipping from my lips at the mere thoughts. I run out the door before anyone can stop me, faster than I've ever run. Trees and foliage are no match for me as I pass, obliterating everything in my path to pieces.

I reach her house before the girl's father leaves for the morning. Her sweet blood calls to me, I growl at the delay, but I know his death can mean Volturi intervention. I listen to the girl, who has spent the last few minutes cursing her headache, move about in her room.

"You're going to be late, Bells." Charlie scratches his head, wondering what's keeping his daughter. She, apparently, is never late and always a responsible young woman; though, her father shudders at the thought of her being a woman.

"I'll be right down," she calls from her room, cursing when she stubs her toe. "Not again." It's more a whine as she moves.

It takes another moment for me to realize something very unique about the girl other than her blood.

I can't hear her thoughts.

I expand my _hearing_ to the entire area. Most people's inner thoughts sound like their actual voices. Her _tone_ is nowhere to be found. It explains her lack of thoughts before I've killed her the first two times.

Though a part of me needs to come to terms with the truly horrific, bizarre phenomena, the monster refuses to back down. It wants Bella Swan's blood. My mouth floods with venom as I remember what she tastes like. Her lingering scent drives me to the brink of insanity, instantly warming my too-cold body.

The tree branch in my hand starts to crumble, but I keep myself from crashing through her window.

The girl's father whistles as he exits the house, patting the carved pumpkin on his porch. The night before he had enjoyed watching his daughter laugh as she carved the funny face. "I'll be home late, Bells. I'll grab dinner at the diner tonight."

"Okay, be careful," she yells from her room, having yet to finish getting dressed.

"Always am." Charlie heads toward the warmed-up cruiser in the driveway.

I peek into the window; already knowing, the moment I see her, the more I'll want her. It's unavoidable. I am driven by bloodlust and not logic or remorse. The girl is standing in the middle of her room, her slim jeans in one hand, a hoodie in the other.

Her eyes narrow at herself in the mirror, tossing both garments onto the bed. She turns around as she starts to lift the ratty T-shirt from her body.

My body hums with anticipation, venom coating my tongue. Her nipples are a dusky rose and tight in the cool air. Her eyes go wide as she drops her T-shirt on the floor, her gaze on me.

I'm perched on her windowsill, watching her. I do not even remember coming inside. My reflection in both the mirror behind her and in her eyes, show confliction; though, I can't understand why before instinct takes over.

We tumble onto the bed, the springs creaking beneath us. Her tempting fragrance saturates every molecule within the room, including my own. It forces the lesser of my desires to the back of my mind. Yet, I am still aware of the delicate spray of freckles along the tops of her cheeks, a trio of them right over her pulse on her neck.

I breathe in deeply, aware of her racing heart under her naked chest. My eyes dip down, finding a galaxy of stars leading to her pulse. A dot-to-dot map guiding me to a treasure worth more than gold.

Her quiet whimper on her lips does nothing to stop me as I force her head aside with the tip of my nose. "Bella, Bella, Bella."

I am not one to tease or play with my food, but she's tempting in all ways, consuming every one of my senses and deepest desires.

 _Mine, mine, mine_ , the monster rejoices as my teeth sink into her neck. At the first pull of her blood, her hips lift under me, my body awakening in ways it hasn't in my new life. It's easy enough to ignore as her fragrant blood coats my tongue and trickles down the back of my throat.

"Fuck," she whispers, then her heart stops.

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* * *

I groan, just as Jasper does, for the fourth time, punching a pumpkin and smashing it to smithereens as I pass Alice and Esme. Angry voices follow me in my wake as I pull out onto the road, heading toward the school.

I will change classes, make sure I never bump into her today. If I can make it through the day without killing her, then maybe, we'll both live through another day.

 _Why haven't I gone to my family for help?_

Pride—stupid fucking male pride. I need to solve this _problem_ on my own, even if my bloodlust is far from slaked. I never seem to feel as though I've quenched my thirst, despite repeatedly waking up on the same day with my teeth in Isabella's Swan's neck. That said; it's no wonder I still want more.

I arrive at the school earlier than much of the student body does. The blue Sentra in the employee parking area notifies me Mrs. Cope is already here. In less than a minute, I'm in her office, trying to change out of my Physics class. The excuses fly from my lips, trying not to react to her less than decent thoughts on a student she thinks is half her age.

I'm too busy charming Shelly with a smile that usually gets me what I want, so I'm not paying attention when the door opens behind me. That is until _she_ passes the blasted heating vent again!

I turn toward her, the bane of my existence. The devil with angelic blood that needs to calm the fire in my throat. I clasp the back of Shelly's head with my hand, crushing it against her hardwood desk, her nasal cavity caving in with a gush of blood. She's dead before this stupid girl has a chance to blink.

Suddenly, her eyes narrow and her hand starts to rise from her side, I push it back down and sink my teeth into her neck before she can scream, but she does whisper out, "Fuck... "

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* * *

I roar awake at the foot of the stairs, dropping to my knees instantly, catching the attention of every member of my family. They flutter around me. Question after question both verbally and in their minds, bombard me from every direction.

I grab my head, the pain so acute. "Stop!"

They still, and though my eyes are closed, I see the concern on their faces through each other's minds.

"I'll explain, but do not interrupt me." The monster within me claws and growls inside my head, demanding release. Can I hold him back? The explanation falls from between my stone lips in small bursts, my hands shaking from the control slipping through my fingers. I tell them how I killed the girl each time, every detail except for the time she was in nothing more than a pair of shorts. Too ashamed to explain that while I wanted to kill her in the moment, another desire rose to the occasion.

A snort escapes me as I realize the pun I've made in my own head. It's soon followed by a laugh, a chuckle, until I'm sobbing for their help. My brothers reach for me, lifting me to my feet. Esme wraps her arms around me, while my father cradles my face in his hands.

I can't bear to look at him; the disappointment at my failures will reflect in his eyes. I've had more than one chance to come to him, and I've allowed the monster to control me.

"Look at me, Edward."

I gather the strength I've lacked for _days_ and see none of the disappointment I expect, just concern. His brow furrows, and I catch his astonished thoughts.

"My eyes have flecks of red." Confusion makes a pain in my chest explode. "Green?" I shrug off Jasper and Emmett's hold and head to a nearby mirror. "If I haven't drunk from her in this _rotation_ then why do my eyes reflect that I have?"

"And why are some flecks green?" Emmett scratches his head. His thoughts, like all the others, are as chaotic as my own.

Except for Alice.

I turn to her, noticing the tightness around her closed eyes. "What is it?"

"That's why my head is hurting. It's the reason I keep rubbing my temples in these loops. I can't see past this day. The visions I did have, are of you going through these _loops_."

"How many are we talking about here?" Emmett asks, when no one has said anything in several seconds. "A few dozen or so before Eddie gets it under control and doesn't kill her?" He shrugs. "I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be having fun with this. When else are you going to be able to do whatever you want without any consequences?"

I try to control my anger as it punches through my bloodlust. "I keep killing her over and over again. How is that a good thing?"

"We're here, aren't we? I'm guessing, already this loop…rotation, or whatever, is changing _you_. You know she's out there, but you're here trying to fight the urge to find her. I mean, yeah it sucks, and you're a gloomy little shit as it is, and this is probably going to make you unbearable, but you're fighting it."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but he's right, Edward." Jasper clasps my shoulder. "All we have to do is keep you here, and as long as you don't kill her, maybe it will stop this phenomenon."

The phone rings in the foyer, and Carlisle goes to answer it. Other than the hospital, there're very few who know our phone number. His eyes widen as the dispatcher explains the chief's daughter has been in a car accident. She'll be en route to the hospital within minutes, and will likely require surgery. The dispatcher lists the extent of her injuries and vitals, and says the chief is begging him to meet the ambulance there.

" _She's lost a lot of blood, Sir. She's dying, Dr. Cullen."_

Every head snaps in my direction. The phone falls from Carlisle's hand as I push Rosalie and Emmett into a wall. Alice and Jasper send splinters of wood everywhere, their bodies smashing the staircase as I send them through with a couple solid punches. Carlisle pushes Esme aside, his hands landing on my shoulders, calling out, "Edward!"

The monster smirks as I twist my body, my back against his, my hands around his head. "Maybe tomorrow."

I land on my knee, breaking his back and making Esme scream. He'll live.

I run out the door and past my car, knowing I'm faster. She's going to die anyway, and I'm going to hell. I may as well do it thoroughly.

Earn my place in the seventh circle.

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.

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* * *

I reach the crash site within minutes of the call. Two EMTs are working hard to save the girl as her gurgles echo out. She's punctured a lung. _There's no saving her_ , I reason. Instinct has me killing four firefighters first; they are the lucky ones, dying quick. The others don't fare so well. I grab a service weapon from one of our illustrious officers as I break his neck, shoot two bystanders in the chest, and the girl's shocked father; his blood splattering over her and all the casualties. "I'm sorry," I whisper as I meet _her_ eyes.

The EMTs look up and stop what they're doing. The woman is young, Latina, and she reaches for a tiny cross around her neck. She mutters something in Spanish and closes her eyes, already aware of what I am. I hit the side of her head, my aim precise enough to kill her in one blow. The other EMT, a man in his thirties, with a pregnant wife at home, is dead with one swift kick.

The girl's dark eyes are nearly hidden under her droopy lids. A bubble of blood spurts out of the corner of her mouth, her teeth and lips are covered in it. "Why?" she asks, whimpering in pain.

I wipe away her father's blood from her cheek, surprising myself with the gentle sweeps of my thumb. "It's what I am. It's in my nature."

Her eyes struggle to remain open as I lift her into my arms, each one dilated and unfocused. The pain she must be in has to be excruciating. "My name is Isabella Marie Swan, you killed my father…prepare to…" She giggles and passes out.

I run with her in my arms, gorging on a few mouthfuls of her blood.

Then, her heart stops and it starts all over.

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* * *

Had I been human, I probably would've lost count by now.

I've killed Bella Swan fourteen times. Every time the monster wins no matter what I do to prevent it. The guilt eats away at me at each turn, yet I also make adjustments on the _how_ , so I can enjoy her essence longer.

There are two of me: the man who wants to prevent killing the girl and the monster who wants to savor every drop.

I stop midway down the stairs and run up to my room to change my clothes from what I've worn for fourteen loops. My sudden disappearance makes Esme and Alice stop talking about Bella downstairs.

It's cruel and torturous to catch this conversation continually, mocking me about the good person I'm killing.

As if I don't know this already.

It's in her soft, caring voice whenever she talks about her parents or as she speaks with her father in the morning before he leaves for work. She stays away from gossip, but if something is important to whomever she's having a discussion with, she listens.

Three times, I've tried to leave town first thing upon _awakening_ or shortly after, only to somehow always cross paths with Bella Swan. It seems to be inevitable for this day to never end. My choices are what keep me here in this unending horror.

To live my greatest regret over and again is punishment for my past sins.

This time I choose to go about the day as the first time and face her in the classroom and not breathe. I've failed thirteen times to get past noon, so I'm determined this will be the time. If I can hold back in the class, then maybe I can manage to walk away without killing the girl.

Alice seems too preoccupied with my future, finding none but a void where it should be. She questions me silently as she and Esme arrange pumpkins in various sizes. None of the small ones in sight.

Which I find is strange.

I shake my head, refusing to change anything until I face Bella Swan as Edward Cullen. The rest of the morning goes off the same way as the first time, only the tension between my siblings and me is more palpable. They know I'm not telling them something, but they've tried many times to help me, and in the end, they're hurt and _she's_ still dead.

Something strange is going on, though: Bella Swan misses her first period class. I spread my mental range outward, to its limits, to see if the accident may still have happened. Although, it hardly makes sense since we come across her when I barely miss her on the road during this loop…as I've done since the first time.

Bella isn't in Physics when I arrive as the bell rings.

It's not until third period I catch a glimpse of her in Angela Weber's thoughts. She appears disheveled and angry, as her father escorts her to class. Since Angela doesn't have the same hearing ability as my own, I can't hear what he tells Mrs. Goff.

I smile at Alice as we meet up for lunch, finding it a little difficult to believe she has nothing to say. Her mind is full of visions of Jasper and how the others are waiting outside with him. I already know this, but say nothing.

What can I say? _"I'm sorry I'm so quiet, Alice. I'm trying not to kill the new girl."_

That will go over well.

Internally, I roll my eyes, not at all surprised to find the beast within me rattling his cage. He knows the only thing that will quench his thirst is near. Close enough to smell. I look through the thoughts of my classmates to find her staring at the cafeteria doors, pouting and shaking her head.

" _Uh, why does she have to be so weird?"_ Jessica asks herself. It's been clear from the beginning she hates the attention Bella Swan is receiving, especially from Newton. She nudges Bella with her elbow, cocking an eyebrow as the girl turns away and walks out of the building.

It takes considerable control for me not to go after her. Follow her, introduce myself, and offer to drive her to the diner for some lunch. We won't end up there, though; the monster will ensure this. It's another way to kill the girl, but the seats in my new car will remain pristine. I'll never waste a drop of that sweet, sweet blood.

My mouth waters with venom, my throat aching as I swallow. Thanks to my ability, I follow her outside, as she walks to the seldom-used tables and benches. She drops her books on the table and nearly collapses as she sits. Her hands cover her face, her shoulders shaking.

" _Is she crying?"_ Brittany Williams, a freshman, watches Bella as she gets something from her sister's car. She debates for several seconds about talking to her.

As if I have the ability, I try to will Brittany to check on Bella. Though I'm not sure why. To give me more reasons to feel the monumental guilt that threatens to crack open my chest?

Cautiously, Brittany approaches Bella, who starts to mutter to herself. It causes Brittany's steps to falter, and again, I try to push her to continue. Between Brittany's thoughts and my hearing ability, I can hear Bella's words that make little sense.

"Can't do it at home or in my truck. Must do it here." Bella rummages through her bag and hisses, pulling out her finger already coated with blood. Her eyes roll and starts to weave where she sits.

Brittany quickens her steps and manages to capture Bella from falling back. _"Are you okay, Isabella?"_

"Um, yes." Bella looks up at Brittany and grimaces. "I don't like the smell of blood."

Brittany hands Bella a small pack of tissues from her pocket. "You can smell blood?"

"Thank you." Bella blushes as she blindly wipes away…

" _Edward!"_ I hear the internal shouts of my siblings, coming from every direction as Alice stops me with her hand on my arm. "Oh fuck, Jasper."

I shift through everyone thoughts and find Rosalie and Emmett trying to restrain a thrashing Jasper along the tree line. His face contorts to malice as rage courses through him; his lone thought is to get to Bella.

I'm running out of the cafeteria, a dozen or more gasps and murmurs follow in my wake. The instant I see no one in the hall, I move faster than the human eye can see and make my way outside.

Bella's eyes are wide; her mouth opens in horror as Jasper knocks Brittany away and lunges for her. I run faster than ever and barrel into Jasper, tumbling the ground and into the soft grass. I shake him; hit his head on the ground until his eyes focus on me. "Stop breathing, Jasper."

He nods. We rise to our feet to face the girls, Brittany helping Bella to stand. "Freaks!" she hisses at us, tugging Bella's hand.

Bella's eyes narrow as Rosalie, Alice, and Emmett join us, but after a second, she shakes her head. She tries to say something, but Brittany is insistent. Like all the rest of the students and staff, instinctively they know something is different about us.

"I think you need to explain what just happened." Alice stands beside me, still unable to see my future.

One thing I realize though: I've somehow managed to allow Bella Swan to walk away…alive.

.

.

.

* * *

The last bell rings, and I walk toward my car, Alice beside me soon after. The others are waiting for us, having learned I'm attracted to Bella's blood. Though, that's all I tell them.

We're all at a loss on what to do about what's happened. How do we explain why Jasper knocked down Brittany and attacked Bella? Or how I come out of nowhere and stop him? There's no explanation for our actions, and already the family is considering packing up our home and leaving Forks for another fifty to eighty years.

"So, have the new girl and Brittany ratted you two out?" Emmett asks, looking from me to Jasper.

I shake my head, still searching Brittany's thoughts. "No, Bella convinced her we were messing around with her." My brow furrows. "And that she was just an unfortunate bystander of our pranks."

Emmett whistles. "Okay, so we should be fine to stay, right?"

"It's bad enough we've been seen." Rosalie gestures toward a few gawkers. "Remember, Jasper, Emmett, and I, are supposed to be away for college."

"You can say you took an extra week off to come home." I shrug. It's not farfetched. The students, who likely remember who they are, know they're intelligent.

I'm treading new territory, though. In all the other loops, I rarely make it past this point of the day.

I need to increase the odds. "I think I'm going to go for a drive." The others all nod, but ask to continue to monitor the situation with Bella and Brittany.

 _If they only knew._

"Unless you think it's too much?" Alice's concern is in her gentle voice. "I can keep an eye on her."

I nod and offer to drive them home before heading out for a drive. Emmett and Jasper are impressed I manage to walk away from such temptation, and guilt, once again, slashes through me. Though Jasper is newer to our way of life, still struggling with our diet, all human blood smells too tempting to him. Emmett, on the other hand, has taken the lives of two women with a similar call that basically turned off his humanity and attacked them. He doesn't understand why I just don't live a little and slake my bloodlust.

I snort at his thoughts, but glare at him. "You're not helping."

" _Sorry."_

Rosalie is quick to mention something else. "There's still more to all of this. You didn't get your first whiff of the girl until Jasper tried to kill her."

Jasper's guilt matches my own, but only briefly. He hasn't killed her fourteen times.

"Oh, I wasn't aware of that." The sarcasm thick in my tone.

She rolls her eyes, huffing. "You were acting strange since this morning."

Everyone's thoughts go hundreds of miles a minute and I have to stop my car. "Get out," I say, pulling away moments later and heading to Port Angeles.

The drive allows me to reflect on the day, on the changes. Something about this bothers me. I'm aware every decision has ripple effects. _What caused Bella to be late during this loop?_ I pass a flatbed truck by the side of the road selling pumpkins, a familiar truck beside it.

She's smiling at the little old man, holding out money for him.

My hands clench around the steering wheel, my foot pressing the gas harder.

 _I will not stop._

 _I will not stop._

 _I will not stop._

Within twenty minutes, I'm safely away from the beguiling and tempting Bella Swan. The city lights sparkle brightly in the darkening sky, the sun setting as I pull into a parking space in the harbor. The salty, briny air allows some reprieve.

I tell myself it's been a successful day.

I didn't kill her once I knew she was near.

I didn't kill her when she cut her finger.

I didn't kill her as she stared at me with those enchanting brown eyes of hers.

I didn't kill her.

If I can stay away from town for the rest of the night, maybe this nightmare will finally be over. I don't celebrate yet since the day is still young. Instead, I walk along the harbor, allowing myself to relax. I can't close my eyes; all I see is her. Not only from this loop, but all the ones prior to it.

The few times our eyes have met when I'm about to kill her are the worst, yet the acceptance I've seen once threatens to bring me to my knees. Victims rarely see it coming, except for those vampires who like to play with their food. In my past, I've reveled in my victims' terror, having given them a taste of what their vileness has inflicted on the innocent.

I am a monster, for Bella Swan is an innocent, her life taken too soon. During one loop, Alice tries to tell me her father will be devastated if he loses her, and will slip into a depression he'll never recover from. The few times I have encountered him during my torment, I know this to be true.

I find a bench, breathing in the thick, cold air coming from the ocean breeze. A couple walks by, hand in hand. For a flicker, a tiny moment, I imagine myself taking Bella's hand for another reason. Not to lure her away from class or her home for vile reasons, but to introduce myself. I try to imagine her smile, but fall short. I've never seen her smile.

 _You haven't seen her smile because you've killed her before she's had a reason to._

I remember her giggles when she's half-unconscious from the car accident, where she improvises a quote from _The Princess Bride_ , and I can't help but grin at the thought of the delightful sound. It falls before it fully forms, pain lancing through me. If I fail tonight and keep killing her for the rest of my existence, no one will ever hear her laugh again.

Another couple passes behind me, much older, arguing about a girl they've seen earlier. "Mary, I'm sure she'll be fine."

"I'm not so sure, Elliot. She looked about ready to give up."

I still when I catch a hint of whom they speak of—Bella. She's here, in Port Angeles. I desperately cling to the bench and swear I can hear some false guardian angel cackle. The universe is a cruel bitch.

Mary's husband goes over the conversation with Bella. He's just as worried as his wife.

 _Bella paces in front of the restaurant, one with her name. "What am I doing here? Public, right. It needs to be public."_

" _Dear, are you all right?" Mary asks, as she passes with her husband. The white wisps of hair flying wildly around her face, blocking her vision._

I take in every detail, which isn't much. Bella's eyes are red and puffy, a piece of paper clutched tightly in her hand. Something in the other, metal and small. She whips around to face the couple, quick to put the items in her pocket.

Bella Swan doesn't lie very well; in fact, she's quite awful at it. She insists she's fine in Elliot's memory, simply waiting for a friend. They say goodbye to her after some more reassurance, but Elliot turns back as Bella walks away from the main street, the metal thing in her hand between her fingers.

I stand immediately, recognizing what she has: a razor blade.

Is she not happy to be back with her father?

Her words Elliot and Mary have heard make no sense to me. She wants to kill herself, but in public?

It's so her father can have a body to find.

Out in the wilderness, behind her house, an animal can come across her body and her father will have nothing.

Does this mean there's no saving her? If I don't kill her, she'll kill herself. I search the minds in the area, walking toward the restaurant I've seen in Elliott's memory. I pick up her voice, but it's so soft, I have no way of knowing where it's coming from.

I feel a sudden rush of anger. I've done everything I can today to ensure she lives, and yet, she does something like this?

 _Why waste it?_ The monster within me roars.

I find her through some focused thoughts, huddling against a wall, tears falling from her eyes. The mind I'm in is repulsive, so much like the victims of my past. The countless men I've killed for crimes: rape, molestation, murder. There is one like that right here.

My steps quicken when I realize he's not alone. Another man is with him, equally disgusting. Each of them imagining what they'll do to her once it's their turn. They reach her, and she looks up from her tear-stained note, her breath catching, eyes widening. That fear, the first man, Lonnie, loves it.

I look around and nothing in their thoughts tell me where they are. There are over five dozen alleys in the small city alone. The monster inside me rages, causing my breath to hiss from between my clenched lips.

 _Mine._

 _Mine._

 _Mine._

The men circle around her, teasing her as she stands with her feet shoulder-width apart. The note falls to the ground, her keys, minuscule weapons weaved between her fingers. Her other hand holds the razor blade.

"I'm not meant to die this way today, assholes!" She swipes her makeshift weapons, slicing the first man on the cheek as he lunges for her. "I have nothing left to lose."

She's determined to stay alive, and though the monster is currently in charge, a part me is grateful she wants to live. If I fail to protect her from these men and myself, when I find her, at least I know it's worth trying to fight my urges.

My head hangs in shame for a second due to my thoughts, but then the hunt continues. Finally, one of the men, the one who's never done anything like this, looks toward the alley's opening. I see a street corner sign, and quickly, I walk into a neighboring alley to allow the darkness within to swallow me.

Sensing no one looking out of a nearby window, I scale the building with my bare fingertips. I run and jump across several rooftops until I reach them. I smell Lonnie's blood tinging the air with his poisonous essence.

I fall down between the two buildings, landing directly behind both men. Bella's on the ground, blood on her fingers. Immediately, I stop breathing, and grab Lonnie's friend Mark and snap his neck with ease. Before his body hits the ground, I wrap an arm around Lonnie's neck and shoulders, surprising him.

I look Bella over; a small wound along her hairline bleeds profusely, bruising already forming around it. Her hands have suffered a similar fate, scraped and bloodied.

Lonnie tries ineffectually to pull my arm away, gasping for air.

Bella meets my eyes, confusion within them. "What are you?" she asks, her gaze moving over the length of my body. "Why?"

In answering her, I know I will fail in this loop, so I don't bother lying to her. "I'm a vampire. It's in my nature. I've tried to resist."

She gasps, her eyes closing as more tears fall down her cheeks. Gone is the lovely blush I've seen, mostly in other's thoughts. I've never had the pleasure of being the cause of it. As she shifts onto her knees, she raises a hand to her forehead.

"This probably isn't helping."

"No, it's not." I turn away. "Close your eyes, Bella."

"Why?" She snorts, as I look over my shoulder at her. "Does it make it easier to kill me?"

 _Yes._

The monster inside me refuses to taint his palate with the scum's blood, so as Lonnie cries for me to spare him in his thoughts, I rip his heart out from behind, allow him to see it as I crush it between my bloodied fingers.

Lonnie's dark eyes stare at the darkening sky, blank and dead.

I turn back to Bella, wiping my hand on the back of my pants. "Why aren't you screaming?"

She shrugs. "You'd only kill whoever comes to help. I don't need more on my conscience."

"You are a strange girl." I lean closer, noticing how she doesn't flinch as I raise my hand to brush her skin. The blood there is still warm beneath my fingertip. I bring it to my lips and suck on the tip.

She watches with me with rapid fascination, but seems to snap out of it. "Damn you, Edward Cullen." She slashes the razor across my chest and watches it as it falls between us, having snapped in two. "I didn't think that would work."

I cock my head to one side. "Maybe you should run." One last attempt at some sort of redemption. To have saved her from a horrible fate, to only kill her is beyond cruel. I know this, but the beast will win.

"You'll just run after me." She tosses her hair behind her shoulder, sticking up her little chin in the air. "Anyone ever tell you not to play with your food?"

 _No, but I have told Emmett this often._ I shake my head, wondering for the hundredth time in the last minute why she's still alive.

"What are you waiting for?" She wipes angrily at her tears, her body visibly shaking. "I'd rather forget about what they did, what they tried to do."

Her words register to the man, not the monster. I see her shirt torn down the front, scratches and bruises on her neck and chest. I walk away from her, roaring and kicking the repulsive men, wishing they were alive so I can tear them apart.

"Let me see if I understand: you don't condone what they've done and what they were about to do, but having me for dinner is okay?"

I turn to look at her just standing there, and I direct my anger toward her once again. "Why are you _not_ running?"

"I fall a lot." She looks away and picks up the note she had in her hand. "Besides, my number is up." She crumples the note and tosses it at me. As I catch it, she starts to laugh and sob at the same time.

 _I chose to die my way today. I love you, Mom, Dad. I'm sorry._

A sound falls from my lips, loud enough for her finally to show true fear. Her eyes close as I tug her soft body against me. I whisper, "I wish this would end differently."

Her forehead settles on my shoulder. "Me too, asshole."

The scent of her drying blood is too much for me to contain the monster, my teeth sinking into her skin right over her pulse point. I groan, holding her impossibly closer, relishing her warmth, as much as her blood, growing addicted to how good her body feels so close to my own.

"I never had my f-f-first k-kiss." Her words fade to nothingness, and I'm plunged into darkness.

.

.

.

* * *

I reach the bottom of the stairs when the phone rings suddenly. The clock on the wall shows things should remain in motion as it has in previous loops. Nothing I've done should've changed anything. Esme answers to a frantic Charles Swan, asking for Carlisle.

Alice gasps along with Esme as Bella's father explains he found her in the bathroom, her wrists cut, and begs Carlisle to meet him at the hospital. My world spins, darkness on the fringes of my vision.

.

.

.

I gasp as I awake on the same day, my hands on my knees as I come to realize what's happened in the last loop. Bella Swan has killed herself, for whatever reason, but it doesn't change a thing. I'm wearing the same clothes I wore in the first loop. Esme is still whistling to the same fifties song as she works on a fall arrangement. Alice chats with my mother about the new girl.

I'm in hell, or is purgatory the right word?

Regardless, there's no way out.

.

.

.

Somehow, I make it through my first period class, choosing to let things progress as they're meant to. I'm destined to relive this nightmare. There's is no escaping the torment. I walk to my Physics class after reassuring Alice I'm fine.

She knows I'm not.

I hear Bella walking outside toward the classroom. She nervously approaches the door and asks Mr. Banner if she has the right class.

Funny, I just realize in this moment, this is only the second time we've made it here. In all the other loops, I fail much sooner, having already tasted her. I've known where to look for her, to take from her much earlier.

I hold my breath as she passes the heating vent, watching her brow furrow. She heads to her seat beside me after Mr. Banner points her in the right direction. I move my books from her side of the table, trying my best not to swallow the venom that coats my tongue.

I may not be able to smell her, but my mind and body know what she tastes like, what her body feels like in my arms as I drain it. I want to feel and taste all those things again. My hand clenches over my knee, hard enough to cause fissures in my granite-like skin. The pain is manageable, something to focus on rather than the girl.

She moves slowly as she approaches our table, as if she's afraid of something. _"I fall down a lot."_ She proves the memory of one of the recent loops by stumbling over the slightest dip in the flooring. A second later, she manages to fall onto her chair. She starts to remove something from her bag, but notices Mr. Banner turn on the television and start up the VCR.

Mr. Banner explains what we'll be watching for the next two days, and how we should pay attention because there'll be a test on it. The class groans in unison, but Bella looks somewhat stunned. Her gaze flicks to me under the protection of her hair, her teeth scraping over her full bottom lip. They are soft, growing a brighter red under the assault.

I'm under her spell, unable to look away. Trapped in her gaze, I notice for the first time the gold flecks of color among the velvet brown.

Abruptly, we're thrown into darkness, and I don't miss her small gasp. I watch unabashedly, still holding my breath, curious to her strange reaction. Her breathing picks up, her hands clench into small fists, only to shake her fingers out after a moment.

My body itches to reach for her. However, I'm starting to realize it's for a different reason. Or more than one, since the monster is insisting I listen to him. I want to know what her skin feels like under the cloak of darkness. Her eyes on the bright screen, highlighting her face in the artificial glow. I find myself longing to know what she looks like under sunlight on a warm day.

" _I never had my f-f-first k-kiss."_

Her words from that dreadful loop hit me hard. I want to give it to her, but I'm an idiot for even contemplating how I can make it happen. I know I'm doomed to fail. The second I get too close, the monster will take over.

The bloodlust will win as it has every single time.

I want to feel her lips against my own. Emmett's words choose to haunt me. _"I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be having fun with this. When else are you going to be able to do whatever you want without any consequences?"_

I'm even more of a monster to want this with her. Knowing I'll likely pull away from the kiss and kill her. Yet, I crave it, and for once, the desire is stronger than my bloodlust. I pull out a piece of paper from my notebook, jot down a note, and slip it across the table toward her.

Her eyes lift from the paper to meet mine, her brow tight. The look she's giving me seems incredulous.

 _Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I didn't get to introduce myself before the movie started._

She shrugs, pulling out a pen and scribbling something on the paper.

 _I'm sure you know my name._ She glances up, scans our classmates, then rolls her eyes.

I chuckle and hear her huff in return. _But it wouldn't be polite to assume I know your name._

She makes a choking sound, but coughs to cover it up once she reads my note. _YOU want to discuss what's polite to me? If you only knew, Edward. If you only knew._

Confusion causes me to stare at her. She meets my eyes in the darkness, though I'm sure she can't see me. I see perfectly clear in the dark, but then I guess I don't. Her written words make no sense to me.

She rolls her eyes again and looks at the ceiling, counting under her breath. Her hand reaches for the paper, only to touch mine. The tiny space in time is long enough for me to feel a jolt of all-encompassing warmth to the touch. She snaps her fingers back, looking at me with alarm and some fear.

Unsure what to do at this point, too afraid anything can set off the monster, I only watch her. She reaches for our note and writes something else, but scribbles it out and tries again. She's careful with her words, taking longer than I expect to send it to me.

My breath hitches. Under the dark, marked out words are _I'm Bella Swan._ But those are not the words that cause alarm; it's the ones she crossed out. My vision allows me to see them despite the numerous marks of black ink.

 _I know what you are._

I carefully analyze the last few minutes and find nothing to give myself away. She's toying with me, her knee bouncing due to her nervousness.

I struggle with what to say, a part of me wants to continue with this thread she's pulled, but the other worries that it will poke the beast.

 _I heard about your mother and stepfather. I sincerely hope they're doing well._

She carefully slips her palm over the sheet of paper, her lips twisting for a second. She looks at me, pouting, then whispers, "I wish I could see you." I see the warmth and a light pink flush along her cheeks, which she ignores. Her hand picks up her pen, writes something else, and sends the note toward me.

 _They are, thank you. Hopefully, they won't have to go to a funeral later this week._

I have nothing to say to that. For several minutes, neither of us reaches for the note, even though I know it's a good distraction. It's toward the end of the class she grabs the note, writes something, but clutches it tightly and keeps it to herself.

The lights overhead come on, causing most of the students to whine at the sudden intrusion. Mr. Banner asks three questions about the movie, and tells us it's best to write them down now, as they'll be on the test later.

Bella scrambles to grab her things, stuffing a notebook and her pen in her bag. She faces me as the bell rings. I hope she doesn't ask me anything, since I've run out of breath to talk. To answer her, I need to breathe. If I do that, I'll kill her. She hands me the note, her bottom lip trembling as she runs out of the classroom.

Mike and Eric both grumble, each hoping to have a chance to talk to Bella Swan about the upcoming homecoming dance.

I look down at the note and find myself more confused than ever.

 _Thank you._

.

.

.

I watch Bella as I wait for Alice by my car after school ends. Her head is up, her hoodie falling off as she allows the mist to coat her face. She smiles at the sky and laughs, oblivious that many students stop to watch her. Her eyes close as she breathes in deeply, opening to find quite a few people observing her. Blood rushes under her skin; from the tips of her ears to the chest, she goes crimson.

The monster craves, but my body yearns for something else.

The hood of my car protests under my fingers, but the sound is enough to break through the warring lusts.

Bella enters her truck, her eyes meeting mine, her next words are soft and meant for herself. "I'll see you tomorrow, Edward Cullen."

The monster within me responds, _"No, you won't."_

.

.

.

I await the darkness and for her father to fall asleep. Hours have passed since I've seen her, and while she lives her last hours, I go through the motions with my family and leave the house with none of them worried about what I'm about to do.

I may fail at what I have in mind, but as Emmett says, once through all this, I can _learn_ not to kill her. I'm not foolish enough to believe mind over matter will merely take a few more loops. It may take several hundred. My dead heart clenches at the thought of it.

The monster rejoices.

I scale the tree with ease; the window groans as I make my way inside.

Bella sits on her tiny bed, turning on the lamp on her nightstand. "I thought you might show up." She sighs and pats the side of the bed. "I'm not the only masochist, I see. Why are you here, Edward Cullen?"

I look toward my salvation, the open window behind me.

"Edward?"

I turn to her, unable to resist the invitation in her eyes and smile. Soon, I'm sitting like her, cross-legged on the bed that seems to shrink with both of us on it.

"You're not very good at this." She giggles, blushing.

"I have no idea what you are saying or your meaning."

This causes her to grin. "Maybe that's a good thing, but I figured out something today."

"What's that?" I humor her, the monster also sitting up to listen to this strange, extraordinary girl.

"If this perpetual existence is shaped by some of my choices, then I should live each today to the fullest."

I shake my head, looking at her as if she's grown another head. "I still don't understand."

She shrugs. "I know." Her hand lifts from her lap, my eyes drawn to her body for the first time since entering the room.

She's dressed in thick tights and a dark blue camisole that makes her skin almost glow; the contrast is stunning. Her hair is damp from her shower, and though I've stopped breathing, I know from experience she smells even more incredible.

I beat back the monster from rising to the surface. "I want to try one thing," I whisper, my eyes on the tempting curve of her bottom lip.

She nods and leans toward me; her warmth invades my space and instantly causes my body to react to her nearness. I pull her onto my lap before I can tell myself to stop. My nose brushes her cheek, one hand slides up her back and into her hair before she can blink.

I watch her reactions, the tightening of her nipples beneath the thin fabric of her top, the way her breath catches at the touch, and her lips parting under my gaze. "Is this okay?"

She nods, her hands coming to rest on my shoulders.

I welcome the touch and bask in it as her fingers curl in the hair near the nape of my neck.

"Stay real still."

Her body instantly complies.

"I'm sorry."

There's a gentle lift at the corners of her mouth. "I know."

For once, the monster quiets the moment my lips fall on hers. The softness of her mouth forces a rumble of a groan to escape, making her give me a similar sound in return. It's this sound that fuels my hands to move to her cheeks, cupping and brushing her beautiful face. My fingers slip through her hair, loving the little hum that seems to emanate between us. She shifts until she's on her knees, grasping my face much in the same way I've done, only she's above me. For a minute, she presses her lips harder, sucking my top lip between her own.

I growl low in my chest, and my hands find purchase on her hips, our bodies tumbling onto the bed until she's beneath me. We pull apart, staring into each other's eyes, nearly panting. We both reach for the other at the same time, her fingers tugging at my hair. This kiss is firmer, yet just as consuming, as I carefully allow my body to meet hers. My eyes roll back, feeling everything and not enough.

It takes considerable strength not to rip away her clothes and take what another newly awakened monster wants. Her body.

Two lusts battle and each as strong as the other. The human, however, tells me this is not the way. To take from her this gift, to taint it with her death soon after is wrong. I'm not stupid. I know I'll kill her.

 _This time,_ I whisper to myself. _I will learn_ , as I go in for another kiss. Learn to walk away from her so Bella can live another day.

My eyes snap open as her tongue pushes through my lips, cutting it along my teeth before I can stop her. She hisses, laughing against my mouth.

I've known all along that not being able to read her thoughts would come back to haunt me.

My monster roars, pushing aside the vital parts that make me human. I pull back to look at her. Her lips and teeth are stained red with her luscious blood.

She brushes away some of the blood off her lips. "I used to hate the smell of it, not so much anymore." She laughs and slips the fingertip into my mouth. "At least I got my first kiss before I die."

I nip at the finger, groaning at her taste against my tongue. A beautiful shiver moves through her as I suck on it briefly, taking her hand in mine. My lips skim up her arm, luxuriating in the potent scent along her wrist and elbow. Her heart skips a beat as my body encounters hers; her knees fall open to accommodate me, my tongue lapping at her blood on her lip. All this happens in milliseconds, yet it feels like an eternity.

She gasps as my mouth meets hers once more, each of us moaning as I taste the blood on her tongue. I revel in her taste and warmth for a moment longer, then skim my lips along her jawline and whisper apologies.

 _I'm sorry I'm not strong enough._

 _I'm sorry for killing you again._

 _I'm sorry for doing this to you._

 _I'm sorry for hurting you._

She cries softly as my teeth penetrate her skin, her hips undulating against mine. I moan as her warm blood fills my mouth, my cock thickening between her thighs. Her heart starts to slow and she whispers, "I'll see you today again."

My eyes snap open, millions of thoughts and memories make me realize one thing as her heart beats become sluggish and struggles in her rapidly cooling body.

She remembers, too.

* * *

 **AN: It didn't place, but was so much fun to write. I haven't decided for sure about continuation, I have it outlined for five chapters, even the have half of the next chapter complete. What do you think? Thanks to all those that ran and helped with the contest, it was fun to participate and write for, thank you!**

 **Check out the amazing entries and winners, but only if you dare. Happy Halloween!**


	2. Fractured

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Two—Fractured**

* * *

The millisecond I enter into the new loop, my foot is poised to step on the bottom stair, every inch of my mind consumed by the Bella Swan. Filled with every interaction we've had in the last sixteen loops, fifteen of which I've killed her. If she remembers everything, then why hasn't she run screaming the moment she sees me? It makes no sense. Who would willingly take the same path knowing they're going to die at the end? Walk toward their killer instead of run?

I need answers, and I will not find it on the stairs as my family gapes at my "spacing out," as Jasper so eloquently states in his mind.

"I'm fine," I say by way of avoiding questions, heading back upstairs to my room. I toss away journals, then think twice and put them all away. I continue tidying up, though I'm certainly not entertaining the idea of bringing the girl here.

 _Bella Swan._ I need to remember to use her name, even in my thoughts. The monster inside me sees her as nothing but a means to an end, the quench to his thirst, her blood ambrosia on my tongue, soothing as much as it is fulfilling.

I resist the urge to dive out my window and run to her house.

What is she doing at this moment? It's obvious she is awake if I am here, in yet another loop. Does she sit in her tiny little bed in her gray cut-offs and cotton white camisole? Is she awaiting me, knowing the temptation is still too much for me? Even now, in my own home, my body reacts to the memory of her sitting in her bed in the previous loop. The same loop I kissed and then killed her.

Our first kiss.

The memories of her soft skin are a siren's song, my fingers and lips tingling with the need to touch her again. My thirst is momentarily banked until I think of it. A no-win situation, but the fact remains if my desire for her physically can overpower the bloodlust, then perhaps there will be an end to all of this madness.

 _Only after killing her a hundred times—at least,_ the monster reminds my human side.

I close my eyes, willing away the twin desires to find what I need. The item I seek is under the cushion of my leather chaise, and I switch it on to find it working perfectly. At my desk, littered with failed attempts at composing, is a charger for a Blackberry.

Alice slips into my room, not saying a word. She's curious by nature, hating when she's caught unaware. It happens too rarely, and at the moment, she can't see my future. Once again proving I can change things, as can Bella.

Is her acceptance of her inevitable death another tactic to change what happens? _If only I could read her mind!_ It's infuriating to need her thoughts the most, but they are silent to me. The human side of me is fascinated by her ability to block my intrusion. The monster is only grateful _not_ to hear her thoughts as she dies.

Curious, considering the monster during my rebellious period enjoyed that perk. I roll my eyes at how my mind seems fractured into separate personalities. The human side of me that values Bella's life. The hormonal teenager awaiting another glimpse of the tempting beauty. Finally, the monster that craves her blood.

I shake my head, too lost and losing precious time. While most would see reliving a day over and over again as an endless space of time, I do not want to hurt Bella perpetually. It is cruel, enough for the monster inside me to quiet, to lessen the burn in my throat.

It sparks a glimmer of hope inside me.

I slip the second phone in my pocket, along with the charger, trying to find the easiest way to give it to Bella without being in her presence.

Alice clears her throat as I turn toward her. "Do you need my help?"

I smirk, shaking my head. She may not know what's happening, but she's determined to help me in any way. I hand her the Blackberry and charger, pull my own out my other pocket. I send my second phone a message, which Alice reads, her brow furrowing. It is best that this remains between us, hurting my family is something I do not enjoy.

"Okay." She shrugs, not asking questions, for now. She thinks she'll have a chance to ask tomorrow.

 _Not unless I get my bloodlust under control._

Despite my desire to ensure Bella survives, it will not be during this loop.

.

.

.

Bella's first text message arrives thirty minutes after the first school bell rings.

 _This is an interesting turn of events._

I smile at her words, realizing something new. She has no idea I remember, too. The conversation in her bedroom the loop before makes more sense now. This makes more questions arise.

 _Hello, I'm Edward Cullen._

Again, I find myself smiling, the insipid greeting as ridiculous as I've imagined.

 _I am Isabella Marie Swan. You killed…_

I sigh as I read her words, alerting the teacher I'm not paying attention, and he asks me a question. The answer is easily pulled from his mind and I fire it off with a little more eloquence. His grumble as he nods is amusing enough, to earn another smile from me. Having the ability to read minds has a few perks.

I type a response to Bella.

 _You remember that?_

I listen for her familiar heartbeat, amused to hear her huff.

 _Mostly bits and pieces, though I remember more in every loop._

The humor is gone, my eyes closing as some answers become clearer. Another text follows seconds later.

 _I didn't know it was you or what you were until PA._

PA? Port Angeles, the disturbing events make a growl slip through my lips unbidden.

 _Why then do you talk to me?_ I type out and send the message before I can change my mind. She should stay away from me.

It's not until seconds before class ends she replies. _Maybe if you get to know me, you will no longer wish to kill me. Then again, I am rather boring…_

I head to my locker, something I seldom use. However, Bella's own locker is at the end of the hall, well away from mine. At least two dozen students keep me rooted to the spot, as her eyes, dark and mysterious, look up to meet mine. I do not wish to kill them, though the monster disagrees with me.

Without glancing at my phone, I send her another text.

 _You are far from boring._

I watch as she looks down at the Blackberry I had Alice deliver, her lips pursing slightly as she blushes. Her eyes snap back to mine, her hand lifting to touch her reddening cheek. "Sorry, I can't help it," she whispers, knowing I can hear anyway.

I nod and turn away from her—wishing things were different. Wishing I were human so I could go to her and touch that inviting warmth with my fingertips.

For the moment, my thirst is not in control.

 _You walked away._ Her text makes my steps falter, my eyes closing as I fight the monster.

I send her another text. _For now._

Needing fresh air and distance between the delectable Bella Swan and me, I head outside as fast as humanly possible.

* * *

 **AN: The chapters for this continuance will remain short, I'm still on the fence about involving the wolves and such, but I don't want to drag this out. Where this fic is going wholly depends on the characters, I have two ideas on how it will all come to an end, but not sure which one I'll choose. I haven't had that happen before, lol. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends and the rest, Happy Thursday!**


	3. On the Line

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Three—On the Line**

* * *

I spend the next hour watching Bella from various minds, avoiding most males since their thoughts were…typical of any hormonal teenage boy. It was becoming increasingly difficult not to tear them apart for fantasizing about her, but their daydreaming was nothing in comparison to the men I killed in a previous loop. They were still out there.

As if Bella read my mind, she sends me a text. _I realized something, Edward. We need to do something._

It worries me that she's thinking of those vile excuses for men, so I look for her in Angela Weber's mind. It's pleasing to find Angela's thoughts lean toward friendship and not hostile like Jessica or Lauren. Bella, however, appears nervous, biting her lips and constantly looking at the clock on the wall.

I reply to her message, just in case something else is bothering her. _What do you mean?_

Her reply comes in faster than I expect. _Those men are still out there._

The men who tried to rape her in Port Angeles. Her fear seems to be rolling off her, enough for Angela to notice. It instantly puts my instincts on alert. My hands ball into fists as if those creeps were right in front of me. A part of me knows they are far from the school, nowhere near Bella. Yet, the monster within taunts me with the fact they're _alive._

 _I'll take care of it._

I ignore ping after ping of messages, making my way to the car, before Alice has a chance to see what I'm about to do. Although, due to the strange phenomenon, I doubt she could. I know what I _want_ to do. Tear the men apart and bathe the concrete with their blood, let them live long enough to feel the pain delivered by my hands.

My cell phone rings a quarter of the way to PA. I answer silently, the breathless sound of Bella's voice on the other end.

" _What are you going to do? Kill them?"_ I could hear her soft footfalls and two leaky faucets, and my mind instantly pinpoints her location on the campus. She's calling me from the girls' restroom in the east building, an isolated hangout for students.

I wish I could see her, but I know where that kind of thinking will lead. To combat the desire to turn around and go to her, I conjure the image of her lying on the dingy, white subway tiles of the bathroom, the mirror splattered with her blood.

The monster laughs at the morbid image. _I would never waste a drop of it._

I push my car faster, to its limits, though it does nothing to dispel _its_ cackle.

"Edward?" Her soft voice brings me under some control, only just.

"I won't kill them." Having said it out loud, I know I need to restrain myself further. "Distract me."

"How?" she asks, her pacing coming to a standstill. The rustle of fabric starts and ends as if she slid down against a wall to sit.

I simply need to hear her voice. For some reason, it soothes me, while simultaneously provoking the beast. "Talk to me, about anything."

"Can you tell me why?" The slight tremor in her voice gives her away.

 _To stop me from killing them or you._ "You know why, Bella." I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment, tormented by the images I find in the darkness. There will never be any peace for me.

"Your family seems to be the talk of the town, despite only you and Alice being in school right now." She makes a sound that resembles a feline's growl."It's so damn annoying to hear about them every day…I mean today, ugh, you know what I mean. Like it matters that you're all dating, you're all adopted."

 _My ferocious little human._

I chuckle, oddly touched by her hate for the local gossip about my family.

"You're laughing at me."

I wonder for a brief moment if she's pouting, but that thought instantly reminds me of the taste of her lips…hurdling toward another path.

"It's been that way since we moved into the area a few years ago." I exhale gently, grateful for the short moment of levity. "I step into this day listening to Alice and Esme discussing the new girl returning home."

"You mean me? How boring!" There's a snicker and a snort, then a soft sob. "I don't know how I feel about you killing them, when they haven't done anything yet."

I knew she wouldn't let it go so easily.

I close my eyes, swallowing the venom that coats my tongue. "The one whose heart I tore—"

"Oh God, don't say it out loud, please." I hear her shift once again, and the urge to see her causes my hands to tighten around my steering wheel. "What about him?"

"He's done it before."

Her gasp slices through my dead heart, while hers starts to race. "How do you know that?"

There is no use in lying to her; I owe her that much. "I can read minds, Bella."

"What?" She's so loud I can hear her slap a hand over her mouth. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I try my best not to laugh at her reaction, something I had predicted based on her need for privacy. I'm happy to have read her for once. "Except for yours."

"Oh." Her sigh of relief is palpable through our connection. "Why do you think that is?"

"You're the first person whose mind I cannot read. I see it as radio signals. I can pick up everything but not the frequency you're on. That's the best way to describe it."

Our odd conversation is helping to quell the monster within me. Will it be enough not to kill the men I hope to encounter in Port Angeles?  
.

.

.

For the entire ride to PA, we briefly discuss every member of my family and if they're gifted. She, in turn, tells me about her taciturn father and harebrained mother. The conversation flows easily between us, only interrupted by her need to sneak off campus. Somehow, she accomplishes it without a problem, but the "you're welcome" text from Alice indicates why. My sister may not know why I left school suddenly and why it's important for Bella to continue talking to me, but she helps anyway.

I can't even imagine what she's thinking about all this. "I have to go, Bella."

"Are you going to kill them?" It's the fourth time she's asked, and my answer is always the same. She doesn't believe me, though I understand why. As a witness to their deaths before, she knows what I'm capable of.

I find a suitable place to park my car, hiding it a few miles outside Port Angeles. "No, but I will make sure the one who has a warrant for his arrest is found."

The engine of her ancient truck fades off. "Okay. I'm home. I'd say be careful, but I doubt anything can hurt you."

"Not much physically, at least."

Her breath hitches. "You're never going to be able to forgive yourself for all of this."

"No." I hang up before she has a chance to say something that would only make my guilt amplify. Bella's the type of person who would tell me she's forgiven me.

Her forgiveness is not something I can stand to hear at the moment. Or ever.

It doesn't take long to find the first one, Lonnie, in Port Angeles. He's the man who hurt Bella, who wanted to rape her. She would've been his fourth victim if I hadn't killed him in that loop. I have dealt with his kind during my rebellious period, and while I found some pleasure in the kill, it always left a bitter aftertaste.

Killing Lonnie in the past loop was an exception, as it will be now.

The fact he had his hands on her, even for a moment, is enough to bring my lust for revenge racing to the surface. The monster within me not too far behind.

My phone chimes, I stupidly look at Bella's text. _Thank you for doing this for me._

I roar with the injustice of it. How can I kill him for her now? She doesn't want it; I know it. I run through the forest until my anger dissipates enough to bring my lust to a simmer. I check through the thoughts again, looking for Lonnie, and find him trailing a young woman, a blonde, instantly reminding me of Rosalie's horrific memories.

I shake them away, before I kill Lonnie anyway.

I should do it.

 _Do it,_ the monster hisses.

I tap the window of an unsuspecting cop sitting in a patrol car with his partner within a minute. Officer Warner, according to his uniform, lowers his window, his brow furrows in confusion.

"Shouldn't you be in school, son?"

I cough, sounding much more realistic than he expects. "I have a doctor's appointment with Dr. Wineman down the street."

He recognizes the name instantly; the doctor his eleven-year-old son sees. The information instantly plucked from his thoughts. "What can I do for you?"

"I saw two men following a girl. She looked kind of scared. I think they disappeared down an alley. I'd check, but…" I duck my head in faux embarrassment, shuffling my feet. "I'm not exactly big, wasn't sure I can take them."

Officer Warner looks at his partner. "We'll check it out, son." Both of them are thinking about the series of assaults in the last several months. "Thank you. Feel better, son."

I nod and wait for them to call backup as a precaution, then head in the direction I pointed, and finally into the alley. I get into the perfect position to watch. The poor woman is stuck in a fenced off area, Lonnie taunting to her and holding out a knife. It's taking every ounce of control not to attack them.

Once the officers call out to them, Lonnie and his friend Damon make a run for the fence, but having anticipated this, I knock them out before the officers can see me. I glide into the shadows, unseen by the preoccupied police officers.

I call Bella once I reach my car. "They are in the custody of Port Angeles' finest."

"Good. Are you okay?" The concern in her voice is real, which I do not deserve.

A bitter memory tastes like ask on my tongue. "Why did you do it, Bella?"

"Do what?"

"Why did you kill yourself in the fifteenth loop?" My free hand cracks under the pressure of my fist, my anger getting the best of me.

"Edward." She sobs softly. "Why do you want to torture yourself like this?"

I chuckle, though it falls flat. "My brother would say it's in my nature."

"Emmett, I'm guessing."

I understand what she's doing, protecting me. "Stop stalling and tell me why please."

"At the time," she begins, "I couldn't get a clear picture of why all of this is happening to me. I still don't. I just knew I didn't want to feel that pain, but it's there as I fade away into the darkness. It burns until I wake up on the same day." She sighs. "I didn't want to feel that anymore. I also felt pissed, angry that no matter what I did, I kept waking up to this horrible day. I've stubbed my toe seventeen fucking times, Edward. Do you have any idea what that does to a person?" The grief in her voice is laced with anger.

"I may have an idea."

"I know," she cries. "I'm starting to understand and realize this probably isn't going to get any easier for you. You know what I taste like, but never get to feel sated; of course, you'd hunger for it more and more."

I swallow thickly, begging her. "Please stop."

She quiets immediately, the tick of a wall clock punctuated by a sniffle or soft sob.

"Were those the only reasons?"

"Aren't they enough?" She continues to cry softly, and though it pains me, her agony is what's keeping me from starting the car and going after her.

Bella clears her throat to continue. "After the third loop, I knew you were involved somehow, and I thought if I stopped _you_ from killing me, that if I died on my own terms, that this nightmare would end for the both of us."

"Oh God," I choke. "Why would you do anything for me?"

"Because, in the darkness, I can always hear your pain, too."

In an instant, I make up my mind. "Tell my family I love them, and I'm sorry. If this works, maybe you won't have to…" My thoughts are chaotic, going over every possible scenario. "They'll want an explanation, give them what you can. Hopefully, there will be no need for the Volturi to ever be involved."

"Volturi? What do you mean, Edward?'

"Goodbye, Bella. Be safe."

"Edward! Edward!" she screams, before I put an end to the call.

The timing will have to be perfect. If I'm in the air at the precise time the next loops starts, Bella may live to see another day. If I can't time it right, then my death delivered by the Volturi Guard will undoubtedly allow her to live her life.

.

.

.

The complexity of the time loop is mindboggling, even for me. Our repeating day starts at 7:02 a.m.—is her being alive just before that enough to stop this loop? I'd be over the Atlantic at the time. Doesn't matter, it's a theory we need to test. A commotion, as I hand my ticket to the man at the door, causes quite a stir behind me. I turn to look, instantly bombarded by frantic thoughts of various family members.

Rosalie is nearly dragging Bella along, Alice in tow, with Jasper and Emmett as the point of the spear. A few airport security personnel shout at them as they muscle their way past security points.

" _How could you not tell us you're in trouble?"_

" _Emo fucking asshole being all noble, and for what? An insignificant human girl."_

" _This isn't going to end well. I should've killed her the moment she said she knew what we were."_

" _She's hot, bro!"_

Already, I'm walking fast toward them, anger coursing through me. Jasper wants Bella dead, no matter what's happening. Rosalie agrees with him, anything to protect the family. Emmett is just enjoying some action.

"Edward!" Bella cries out, but one of the security men sees her as the weakest of the group and tackles her to the floor. She hits her chin hard, biting into her tongue. Our eyes meet as my siblings freeze and breathe deeply, their eyes closing, as droplets of blood seep through Bella's lips.

Jasper is the first to turn toward her as I dodge several people and airport security, screaming for the others to stop him. Alice is paralyzed by the unknown. Emmett is slower to turn toward the temptation of Bella's blood. Rosalie takes a quick look around, shrugs and tosses the security officer off Bella.

"What are you doing?" I already know the answer, roaring as Rosalie snaps Bella's neck.

The darkness that comes is unwelcome, as is the image of a pale, dead Bella in Rosalie's clutches.

* * *

 **AN: Oh shit, I don't think he's going to take that well. Working on The Letter and Crosshairs next, so hopefully I can get some more updates this week. I hope everyone's holidays went well. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for your help with this chapter and being my soundboard for my more craizer ideas. lol Thanks to those expressing their concerns about my current health issues. Hopefully 2018 means answers and relief. See you all soon.**


	4. Destroy Her

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Four—Destroy Her**

* * *

Before my foot hits the stair for the eighteenth time, I whirl around and run to face her. Alice gasps from the living room, and Jasper utters an oath from his room. Before either of them have the time to stop me, I enter the hallway leading to Rosalie and Emmett's room.

"Edward?" Jasper says aloud, in the hopes to slow me down. He knows nothing, only that I'm feeling murderous.

"Call Carlisle now, Esme." Alice runs up the stairs just as the door swings open to a partially clothed Emmett, the smile on his face quickly morphs to confusion when his golden eyes settle on me.

From his mind, I can see myself; a snarl on my lips, my eyes so dark my irises nearly dominate my face. It matters little to me as I look beyond him, pushing past him with ease. His confusion never giving way to suspicion, the fool.

"You," I snarl, as I approach Rosalie while she finishes buttoning her top.

"Whatever has your panties in a twist, can't it wait?" She looks annoyed and bored with the conversation already. "What did I do wrong now?"

I wrap my hands around her throat, surprising her and the others. "You killed her!" Our bodies fall to the floor, my knee on her chest. In her face I scream, venom dripping from my teeth. "You broke her neck as though she didn't matter!"

Emmett tries to pry me off her, but she comes up with me, her neck still caught in the vice of my grip. The cracks under my hand echo in the room, the others working hard to reach through my anger, but I counter every one of their moves.

The only thing I see repeatedly in my head is Rosalie's pale hands around Bella's throat, the sickening sound of bones breaking under her vile touch.

"How. Dare. You. Kill. Her." I'm shaking, the power of my revenge falling away to a different kind of lust as Bella's blood calls to me. It angers me more. "She was innocent in all of this and you killed her!" I scream in her face again; her words rasping and caught in her throat. "All she ever did was try to save me from more pain, and you killed her!"

"Edward!" Carlisle's voice broke through momentarily, allowing me to see Emmett on his knees, once again trying to attach his arm to his shoulder. "What are you doing? This isn't you. Please, son, let her go." Nothing he can say will loosen the grip I have on her throat. "Whoever this 'her' is, would she want this?"

Until that.

The brief flash of Bella's smiling face causes my hand to fall away, landing on my chest as I try to breathe past the pain.

"Why?" Rosalie gasps, shaking with her own anger. "Why!"

I step toward her again, but Carlisle calls my name to stop me. "You killed her." I say nothing more as I walk out of the room, ready to run to Bella to see if she's all right with my own two eyes.

The day started over; it has to mean she's alive. Right? Other than her and me, no one's ever killed her in the godforsaken loops.

Did Rosalie killing her in the last loop mean Bella's truly gone?

I fear going to her house and finding out for myself. The terror of what I may find causes me my knees to buckle, landing on the last stair.

The rest of the family, besides Emmett and Rosalie, join me, remaining silent, awaiting something from me. Carlisle has somehow convinced them not to kill me and to stay until they know what's happening. I know it's futile to explain; they won't remember in the next loop. If there will be one.

I have to explain my actions, though; maybe this time they can help me. Even as I think it, I don't believe it. Yet…

"Please do not interrupt me as I explain." They listen for what seems like hours, but are mere minutes in my hurried speech. Rosalie and Emmett soon join us, quiet in their approach, reasonably cautious. I tell them how the last loop ended, the twist in my lips return as I glare at Rosalie.

She smirks, laughing for several moments. "You're falling in love with her. A human? And, of course, something unexplainable is happening, centered around only the two of you. Somehow, you made finding a mate so damn dramatic."

A spark of jealously from her mind makes me growl in reply. "That's no reason to kill her!"

Carlisle has to lay a hand on my shoulder to stop me from rising to my feet.

"It's pretty damn obvious to me why I did it." Rosalie rolls her eyes, saying nothing more, until Emmett urges her. She wants desperately to say nothing, wanting me to suffer. "You said she cut her lip, which meant Jasper and Emmett were not going to win the battle of resisting her. She obviously must've explained what was happening to us before we went to stop you, and so I killed her to avoid exposure."

"Airport surveillance is sophisticated; we would've been seen and on film." Jasper offers a quick apology to Edward after his explanation.

"This explains my headaches and lack of visions this morning." Alice rubs at her temples.

"You said that already," I murmur, offering her a small smile. It's gone when I look at Rosalie again. "I know you were looking out for the family, but I've hurt her enough. She doesn't deserve any of this."

 _She's nothing. Just a human girl._

"She's _not_ nothing to me, Rosalie." My hands clench into fists.

Rosalie tosses her blonde hair back, jutting out her chin. "She's a threat to the family."

Jasper and Rosalie have already made up their minds; if Bella were still alive, they'd kill her in hopes to stop the phenomena.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean you can kill her!"

Carlisle is quick to come between us; Emmett primed to protect his mate. "No one is going to kill her."

"They've already made up their minds," Alice and I say at the same time.

I still, as a vision plays out in Alice's mind: Rosalie and Jasper distracting me, so that Emmett can kill Bella.

"No! I will not let you kill her!" I struggle in Carlisle and Esme's arms, so many voices screaming in my head and around me.

"Maybe I can help?" A soft voice from the front door stuns us all into silence. I turn to see Bella leaning against the door, visibly nervous. She forces her hands to stop shaking. "First, I need to ask." She looks at me, her dark brown eyes as soft at her smile. "Are you okay with me here?"

I take a moment to find that I am; the burn, the insatiable bloodlust nowhere near quelled, but my worry over her is more powerful. I swallow hard. "For the moment, yes." I step toward her, but close my eyes. "Can a few of you please hold on to me?"

Jasper, Esme, Alice do as I ask, while Emmett is still deciding what to do.

In the end, he approaches Bella cautiously. "I'm just going to stand by you as the last line of defense."

Bella looks him up and down, nodding. "You look like you can do the job." She pokes a bicep that he flexes, lapping up her attention.

Rosalie remains on the staircase, her eyes locked on Bella. "According to my brother, I killed you today."

"Yeah, not that I blame you, but can you like stay away from me for a while?" Bella shivers. "I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now."

Rosalie rolls her eyes. "Does that mean you understand why I had to do it?"

Bella shrugs. "Sure, but you didn't have to do it with so much glee." She bats her lashes, flashing a smirk that has a few of my family members snickering. "What was it that you said? Oh yeah, 'I don't understand what he sees in you. I'm much more beautiful.'"

"Rosalie!" Esme gasps, horrified by Bella's confession.

Bella clears her throat. "She did also say it was our only chance to right all the wrongs."

I dip my head in shame, so caught up in Rosalie's actions at the airport that I've missed hearing their exchange. "I apologize, Rosalie, Emmett. But don't ever do it again."

"Hey, future loop me, I can't control." Rosalie tries to hide her smile. "I get it. I'd react the same way, but put your hands on me again like that, and I'll destroy you."

Bella claps her hands loudly, to get our attention, though she's had mine since her arrival. "Now that that is in order, who's going to make sure Lonnie gets what he deserves in this loop?"

"Who's Lonnie?" Most of my family asks.

"You didn't mention the asshole who tried to rape me?" Bella turns to me.

"I didn't tell them about each and every loop."

Bella allows me to explain about her would-be rapist we once encountered in Port Angeles, since she still struggles with what could've been. As a group, we try to reason that it will be best to deal with the human monster after we figure out how to get out of this mess. Rosalie, Bella, and I fight to do something in every loop, to prevent another girl or woman from becoming his victim. If it isn't Bella later today, it will be someone else, and nobody can live with that guilt.

Rosalie has volunteered, but due to her past, Carlisle knows sending her alone with Emmett will likely mean she'll kill Lonnie and his friend. As a family, we decide Rosalie and Carlisle will leave in a few hours and make sure the police catch the awful man, in a similar way as me in the last loop.

"May I speak with Edward alone?" Bella keeps her head down, unable to meet my eyes. "I need to tell him something, in private."

My family looks to me, to access my bloodlust. It's on the surface, as it usually is because of our diet, but it's manageable for once in Bella's presence. Not breathing as often helps, too. They won't be far, they reassure her, which Bella doesn't seem to like, but agrees with their caution.

"Alice, you may provide some insight." Bella gently places a hand on my sister's arm as she passes.

Alice's brow furrows, no vision coming to her, but a feeling. One I can't seem to pick up, but Jasper does. She's completely enamored by Bella. Jasper simply nods, softly promising his wife, Bella will remain unharmed by his hands.

"Can I sit down?" Bella bites her lip, her fingers nervously fidgeting at her sides.

"How can whatever you have to say make you nervous after everything we've been through?" I gesture for her to sit in the living room, my family accommodating and moving quickly out of it.

"Who are the Volturi?" Bella asks.

Everyone stills, as most of our kind do at the mention of the vampire version of royalty; self-proclaimed as the title is, it strikes fear in many.

She continues. "In the last loop you mentioned them, as you were saying goodbye." She glares at me, her back ramrod straight. "Before we get into that, if I'm not allowed to take my own life to fix this, then you can't either."

"That's why we found you at the airport," Alice says, to break the tension between Bella and myself. "That alone would've been enough for us to believe you."

"I didn't take much. I knocked on the door here. Everyone seemed so calm, until you saw it was me, Alice. Then you knew something was wrong with Edward. Then all of you sort of pounced on me, wanting answers. It was pretty clear they didn't believe what I was telling until I told them what you've told me about your family. They weren't happy about that."

"You told her about my past?" Rosalie enters the room as quick as lighting. "That's not your story to tell!"

"He didn't," Bella says, shaking her head. "Only that Carlisle found you." She looks at me, then at Rosalie. "But considering your insistence to be involved in stopping my attackers, I can guess."

Rosalie closes her eyes and nods, exiting the room just as fast as she entered it.

"I'll agree to your terms for now, Bella, but there's a good chance it would've worked." I shake my head. "I would've been in the air when the day restarts."

Bella gives me an indulgent, if-you-only-knew smile. "I would've died anyway."

"What do you mean?"

She takes a deep breath, covering her mouth to exhale for my benefit. Not that it helps in any way, but if it makes her feel better… She looks at me. "This thing that's happening to us, it is my fault, because I should've died a long time ago."

* * *

 **AN: Working on the next chapter and Crosshairs. Hoping to get some writing done this weekend. Bella has some explaining to do.**


	5. Eternal Existence

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Five—Eternal Existence**

* * *

"Since it's happening to the both of us, I highly doubt that." I want her to spit it out; her fidgeting has only amped up the beast within me. Though, _it_ had been worried, I had lost her for good earlier; it could only hold itself back for so long.

She sighs, running her hand through her hair. I nearly groan as her scent wafts over me, almost overwhelming the beast. However, the need to know how soft her hair feels takes over. It has me instantly sitting in front of her on an ottoman, the move so quick she startles.

I smile, hoping to make up for scaring her.

She seems dazed for several seconds, but recovers quickly. "This isn't the first time this has happened to me."

"Do you mean dying at the hands of a vampire, or something else?" The sarcasm in my tone is obvious.

She glares at me. "Why are you acting like such an ass?"

I stare at her just as angry; though, it's not her fault other than having such a luscious scent. "I'm hungry."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"I'll make this quick," she says, looking out the large floor to ceiling windows. "That way you can go hunt."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, to stop breathing or lashing out at her. "Please refrain from mentioning hunting in my presence."

"Fine. Will you look at me though?"

I nod, but offer nothing more. I know she'll have to leave soon or my family will have to stop me from attacking her. Which from previous loops, I know they will not succeed. Already my beast conjures vivid images of this girl in my arms, my nose skimming the length of her neck, feeling the pulse under my tongue.

My mouth waters with venom.

"I've been having dreams right before I wake up on this day, only they're not dreams. This thing happening to us has happened to me before. Only I didn't remember." She says the words slowly, as if she's speaking to a toddler. "The first time was years ago. I was still a child, but I swear I remember breaking my arm, my leg, and much more." She closes her eyes, clenching her hand over her right knee. "There was a piece of my bone sticking out." She shudders, touching the front of her right calf. "I was hospitalized, and the pain was too much, so I was put to sleep, then suddenly, it's the same day, and I manage to only break my arm instead of everything in the fall. My mom said it was déjà vu when I told her I dreamed about the accident."

"You think it was more than that."

She nods. "That first time, I started the day literally seconds before the accident."

I'm curious about the accident, but what she's saying seems impossible. My family listens intently, each of them thinking like me. She's only human. How can she wield such a power?

"I thought it was a dream or something, a one-time deal. Then, a few years later, my mom decided she totally believed in palm readers and fortune tellers." She looks down at her palms. "The palm reader, she said my palms were impossible to read. So, of course, my mom takes me to a fortune teller. That woman took one look at me and said I had to leave and take death with me."

"What are you saying, Bella?"

"The accident that my mother and her husband had," she says softly, then pauses and sighs heavily.

I nod, knowing the story of her first move to Forks, only to leave the following day after hearing her mother and husband had a bad car accident.

She clears her throat to continue. "I was in the car the first time," she declares, and her brow furrows as she swallows hard.

Through Jasper, I know this is hard for her to admit.

"I didn't intend to move here until I finished my junior year, but I couldn't figure out how to survive other than to leave. So, I suddenly had to move and see my dad."

She wipes a tear that trails down her cheek. "It worked; I may have survived, but at the cost of my mom and Phil's suffering. I learned pretty fast that it was too late to start the day over."

"You felt guilty, which is why you returned to help them through rehabilitation."

She nods at my words, but refuses to meet my eyes.

"Why didn't you mention this before, Bella?"

"After it happens, the other loops seem more like dreams, like what ifs, in a sense. The longer it's been, the more I forget." She lifts her eyes to look at me. "I'm trying to remember more, but it hurts my head."

"Can I look at your palms?" Alice sits near Bella, but not too close to provoke my instincts. Though, I'm not sure if it's my instinct to protect Bella or stop Alice from coming near my prey. Whatever it is, I have to clench my jaw to stop myself from attacking Alice.

For years, Alice has collected as much information into fortune telling, palm reading, and tarot cards, using it to make money in her early years before she joined my family. "I can see why a palm reader would be confused." She traces a line on Bella's right palm. "This line says you will have a _very_ long life."

Bella snorts, rolling her eyes.

Alice just smiles and continues. "The line goes right off the edge of your palm, but if you look at your left palm," she says as she takes Bella's left hand in hers, "that same line, there are breaks within the same line."

Bella peers down, her nose scrunching a little. "Like if I die and come back over and over?"

"Maybe, but to a palm reader, she could possibly see it as multiple lifetimes. It's very rare for that to show on your palms. She may have been a bit unskilled, too."

"The fortune teller?" Bella prompts, eager for information.

"I can't see your future, Bella." Alice closes her eyes, her teeth grinding as she screams in pain in her head.

Bella places her hand on Alice's, asking her to stop.

It's clear Alice is in pain, but she's not listening to Bella. "Alice, stop," Jasper and I say in unison.

Then a vision comes as Alice cries out in relief, only to look horrified seconds later. Bella standing in front of the most fearsome of the Volturi guard, Jane. Alone.

"It's not possible!" I stand and clench my fists, horrified by the vision. "If we're stuck in this endless cycle, why would Jane be part of it?"

"Edward, look at Bella." From Alice's mind, I know she doesn't mean the Bella in front of me, but the one in the vision. Fear causes me to shake my head. "She's not human."

"Oh." Bella's brow furrows, her teeth torturing her bottom lip. "What was the vision?"

When Alice realizes I'm in shock, she answers Bella's, and the others' silent questions. "The vision is still not perfectly clear, but Bella is standing in front of Jane, in a fighter's stance, a smirk on her face, while Jane looks quite displeased."

"Her powers will not work on Bella?" Jasper asks out loud.

Alice hums, but soon nods. "It appears to be the case." She places a hand on my shoulder, but I shake it off. _"Think about what Rosalie said when you told us why you tried to kill her."_

" _You're falling in love with her. A human? And, of course, something unexplainable is happening, centered around only the two of you. Somehow, you made finding a mate so damn dramatic."_

"No!" I know what she's not saying. The only way to stop this thing is if I initiate the change in Bella. If she's still alive, but changing as the clock strikes 7:02 a.m., the cycle should end. Despite the fact—there's no use in lying to myself—that she is my mate, taking her life away is too horrible to consider.

The others have all come to the same conclusion.

"This communicating silently or too soft for me to hear is really annoying." Bella crosses her arms over her chest, lying farther back into the couch. She's glaring at me, but instead of an apology on my lips, there's a snort. Soon followed by a series of chuckles. Her eyes roll, but there's a smile on her lips. "I'm so glad my irritation is amusing, but can you please explain the Volturi, who Jane is, and why changing me could possibly end this?"

"We should be in school by now." I refuse to answer, taking the stairs as she calls out to me. It takes a considerable amount of control not to turn around and go to her.

I listen as Carlisle explains the history of the Volturi, even going as far as telling her the formidable gifts of every member, including the guard, one of Aro's lines of defense. Before he has a chance to tell her about the change, I enter the room.

"I will not allow her to be subjected to Jane or anyone in the Volturi. If it is her gift essentially to manipulate time, can you imagine the lengths Aro would go through to have her? Changing her is not the answer."

"She's your mate!" Emmett shakes her head. "Don't try denying it. Why do you think you're trying so hard to save her?"

"Because he doesn't want to be a monster," Bella whispers, looking down at her lap. "He's said it several times in the burning darkness, in the period after death, and the restart of the same day."

"I have?" I have no memory of it. I do remember telling her that I wish it didn't have to be this way. "I have no memories of that period between death and life."

Bella nods. "Is what they're saying true? That I'm your mate." She looks at me then, and for a moment, I wish I could deny it. It will give her hope and that seems too cruel to give her. Yet, I cannot deny it.

I simply nod.

"Your family can't know about any of this if the Volturi come, if that's the case." She looks at every member of my family. "This Aro character sounds as though he'd hold them accountable."

Jasper agrees, taking a stance behind Alice. "If this phenomenon is noticeable to the outside world, there's a good chance they'll be waiting for us when it ends. The less we know, the better the chances of walking away increase."

They're discussing this as if it's the only answer. It's not.

"This discussion is over! I will not change her, even if it puts a stop to this madness. I will not condemn her to this eternal existence!" I turn my back on them, determined to leave.

"It sounds a lot better than dying by your hand a thousand times, asshole!" Bella screams, standing beside an impressed Rosalie. "Is loving me for eternity that horrific to you that condemning me to die over and over is preferable?"

I sneer, look her up and down, and say, "Who said anything about love."

Bella slaps me, hurting herself in the process. The slight heat of her assault sizzles on my cold skin, I advance, but she flinches.

Rosalie puts her hand on my chest to push me away. Emmett and Jasper pull me back. I shake them off, turning away as my chest bursts with pain.

"I hate you," Bella whispers, as I run, each of her sobs feeling like lashes on my back.

I leave them all behind, for now.

* * *

 **AN: Is Edward strong enough to stay away? Will the Cullens keep Bella safe? I'm anxious to know what you think about this little plot twist, my lovely beta Midnight Cougar was a bit shocked, to say the least. Hope no one will hate Bella for this, not exactly something she can control. I'd like to thank the amazing Mina, she created an amazing banner for the story which inspired a new chapter. You can find it on Twitter or Facebook, usually found under my pen name. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Perpetual Darkness

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Six—Perpetual Darkness**

* * *

My family's inner voices start to dissipate as the distance between us increase. The speed at which I run alarms me; it's slower than usual. I know why, but the denial is at the tip of my tongue, the forefront of my thoughts.

I don't want to leave her.

The second I can no longer pick up Bella's heartbeat, I come to a screeching halt, toppling a hundred-year-old spruce. My breathing is harsh, not because it hurts to breathe, but because I can't pick up Bella's scent. It worries me I can no longer hear her heart; without it, how can I tell if she still lives?

I am aware that as long as the day continues, she's still here with me. In this perpetual hell of our own creation. She claims she has the ability to manipulate time and events until she is safe, but I am the main reason why we're still here, living and dying in perpetual death.

Does a heart still beat when its broken?

The devastation on her sweet face, after I fired such vile words at her, lingers and haunts me. As it always will. Another image soon replaces the first, a twist of her soft lips and the fire that metaphorically and emotionally stings from her slap.

I deserved it, after such blasphemous words. I hurt her again; it almost seems inevitable for me to be the cause of her pain. All of her pain.

My cell phone rings in my pocket several minutes later, and despite the despair that clings to me like death, the beast within me insists I answer. He needs reassurance the vessel that carries such luscious essence is still alive.

" _You need to get back here now!"_ Alice screams before I can ask why _. "She's right, Edward. Something is after her."_

" _We're talking Final Destination shit!"_ Emmett is quick to add, grunting for some reason. _"I just saved her from electrocution."_

" _Oh, what now?" Alice screams again, the call ends before she can tell me what's wrong._

I fail to understand what's happening.

My beast bellows from within. _"Something more supernatural than us is trying to kill her."_

My feet are already moving toward home. I pick up speed and hear Bella's racing heart. It's surrounded by the chaotic minds of my family. The moment they sense my return, they bombard me with their memories of the last couple of minutes. Showing me five different attempts on her life since I ran away.

" _Son, I don't know what's going on, but she needs your help."_ Carlisle's plea is the first thought that reaches through the rest.

" _This can't be happening,"_ Rosalie roars. I watch from her mind as she holds up the large plasma television screen from falling on Bella.

The poor girl shakes in a fetal position on the floor, and it's my undoing.

" _You've got to be kidding me."_ The once wall-mounted television starts to crumble in Rosalie's hold.

Emmett sees this, rolling underneath and gathering Bella in his arms. He rolls to a stand smoothly, sensing my approach at the back of the house. It doesn't take long for him to come to a standstill, looking down at the fragile girl in his hold. Embedded in Bella's arm is a large piece of ceramic from one of Esme's lamps. _It's from the one that tried to electrocute her_ , Emmett notes, looking up in my direction.

My feet move impossibly faster, but will it be fast enough?

Emmett's gaze snaps to Jasper, who has frozen on the spot, the look of bloodlust instantly taking over his facial features, overcoming him.

Alice, Esme, and Carlisle reach Jasper as Emmett tosses Bella through the air, toward Rosalie, who already gave up on the television that now lay in pieces where Bella had been.

She's the most logical choice, the only one among us who has refrained from human blood. Without a look back, as Emmett joins the melee, Rosalie meets me in Esme's garden. "Stop breathing, Edward."

I nod, already having done so. Once again, my poor Bella is tossed into the air. Capturing her in my arms, I cradle her closer as Jasper roars from inside the house. The couch soon sails through the back window, as Alice tries to reason with her husband. She tells him how I will be devastated if he kills my mate.

"Go." Rosalie turns to the house, looking over her shoulder. "The day is a wash, try again tomorrow. Just let us help you."

Does she have any idea what she's asking of me? To kill Bella just because the day has literally gone to hell.

In the twenty minutes I was gone, Carlisle had to give Bella something after a horrible panic attack. The memories of it break my black heart. She hadn't asked for me, but wanted someone to check on me.

She'd been worried about me. What have I done to deserve such a mate?

Only eight seconds have passed since her blood spilled, yet it feels like a lifetime. I hold her unbearably closer; her nearly unconscious state worries me. I rush through the stream that runs through our property to cover my tracks in case Jasper escapes my family. I double-back and take a longer, indirect route and find myself near the meadow.

Why did I bring her here? Her dying in this place will taint its purity, my private sanctuary, the only place I can find peace. There is no denying she's dying, having lost too much blood.

She stirs in my arms as I gracefully sit in the middle of the meadow, the sun still not quite overhead. Her dark lashes flutter against her pale cheeks, washed of color due to the blood loss. Bella shifts and tries to stretch, her backside tight against my lap. She stills as she detects where she is and who she's with, namely me.

"Hi," she whispers. Her fingers brush my jaw for a mere second before she gasps and drops her hand. Her eyes close, shutting me out. "I don't hate you."

"I know." What can I say? Her actions and concern for me speak louder than her words. Yet, they will always remain with me. I rock us as she starts to cry, gentle little hiccups and broken sobs. "I didn't mean what I said, Bella."

"In the place between life and death, you told me you loved me." Her fingers grasp onto my sweater, taking a moment before she calms again.

I shake my head. "Why don't I remember this period?"

"A part of you doesn't want to." She hums a familiar tune, her fingers tracing patterns on my shirt. "At first, you said vampires didn't dream and refused to believe it was real."

She has said the longer this phenomenon is, the more she remembers from previous loops. She claims they only feel like past dreams, dismissing them as what ifs and déjà vu.

"Did I believe we were real the last time?" I want to remember, because it seems to be a place where we're both at peace.

She nods and shifts again, reopening the cut on her arm. I hiss and drop her on the floor, crouching in a defensive position at the edge of the meadow in case Jasper or the others are near. This past spring, we had to intercept three nomads, stopping them from killing further in our area. They moved on, but James had a special interest in our family, particularly Alice and Jasper.

"Blood doesn't affect me like it used to," Bella whispers, swaying as she sits watching me. "Just a few drops made me want to hurl." She shakes her head and makes a funny face as if she's about to be sick.

Whatever Carlisle has given her, is taking effect.

"Or faint." The back of her hand lifts to her forehead. "I used to swoon." She giggles and falls back, breaking her skin farther.

I know I need to get the lamp fragment out of her arm, but it'll mean touching her as she bleeds.

"This seems like such a waste," she sings, calling my name. "You're composing a song about me; it's so sad." She coughs and sniffles, then starts to hum the notes of something I've been composing in the back of my mind since meeting her.

 _You mean killing her?_

I stand, sensing no one nearby, but keep my senses tuned to our surroundings. "It's real then?" How else can she have heard the notes?

Her humming comes to a stop, propping herself up on one arm. She smirks and curls a finger, and asks me to join her. "I told you it was real." She tries to spread her arms, but plops down on her back again. Her soft giggle makes me smile, a first in such a difficult time. "You said once, that your brother Emmett suggested we should take advantage that no one will remember. Do something crazy?"

I sit beside her, aware of the blood trickling down her arm. The fact I'm not breathing barely keeps my beast at bay. A part of it is just as enchanted by a slightly high Bella.

"He did say that." I look up, aware only a couple of minutes have passed since we entered the meadow. The day is still young. "What would you want to do first?"

She looks at me, one eye clenched shut, the other squinting adorably. "Can I cut Rosalie's hair off?"

I snort, shaking my head. "We could, considering it'll be normal within a few hours, once the next loop starts." I chuckle. "Rose shouldn't be too pissed."

"Cool." She nods, smiling devilishly, closing her eyes. "What would you do?"

The first couple of ideas rush through my mind, my body instantly reacting to the enticing images. I dismiss those immediately, since I know we're not ready for that.

 _Yet._

I ignore the beast and the man within me, and smile. "Mine is tame by comparison, but I'd like to arrive at school, with you, and walk in like we own the place." It would certainly make most of the male classmates jealous. Maybe their fantasies of her would end, too.

Bella's silent for a moment, turning toward me and laughing. A few snorts and minutes later, she stops to find me smiling at her. "What are we going to do?"

"I'll figure this out."

She shakes her head, her eyelids drooping as her blood continues to flow from the cut she keeps reopening every time she moves. "You're not alone in this, remember?"

I nod, realizing she's shaking uncontrollably. It won't be long now.

Her widening eyes meet mine, her bottom lip trembling. "Hold me please?"

As if I can deny her. I pull her back on my lap, holding her close and avoiding her injured forearm. We both look down at it; it runs across her wrist and inches up her arm. Her other hand reaches for the fragment, pulling it out. Doing so cuts this window here by several minutes.

"Can you hum it please?"

I start to hum her lullaby, closing my eyes and holding my breath. I'm determined to give her some peace during this loop. For her death, this time, it will not be as horrible and painful as the others have been.

"Such a waste," she murmurs, as she paints my bottom lip with her blood. My eyes snap open, wide and panicked, I'm sure. "Don't breathe, just taste."

 _Taste it, taste it!_

My tongue brushes the tip of her finger; her taste bursts and encompasses everything. The blood she so sweetly delivers is hardly enough to quench my thirst.

"Bite, I'm dying anyway."

I groan, because I know I should try to resist, but there is no missing the desire in her eyes. I ask her without words if she's sure. She nods, entranced, as my tongue circles her finger, my teeth barely nicking her skin.

I suck.

She moans.

I groan.

We continue this way for almost thirty seconds before another desire takes over and I pull away to roll her under me. She doesn't appear startled, only watching me through hooded eyes. Her breathing starts to slow, her heart skipping beats as this loop's end is drawing near.

"Bella." In all my years of vampire existence, my voice has never trembled until now. Need, bloodlust, hopelessness, an amalgamation of emotions course through me.

Her fingers lay limp on my lips, too weak to move any longer. "You stopped." There's hope in her voice, a small sob filters through my lips. "Kiss me."

I shouldn't. I'm undeserving of such a precious gift.

"Please."

How can I possibly say no to her?

The touch of my cool lips is featherlight, unexpectedly enticing, and strangely addicting. Her mouth, due to the loss of blood, is cooler than I expect. I groan into the kiss, earning a soft one from Bella.

 _Thump._

 _Thump._

 _Thump._

The kiss lasts longer than our last, and though a part of me doesn't deserve another, I hope for much more to come. I don't get to process her last heartbeat, as my eyes close in pain.

.

I wake in a dark place this time, instead of on my home's staircase. Though my surroundings are obscure, the area is surprisingly warm. Where am I? Where's Bella?

A whimper draws my attention to the right, my eyes catching a shadow. Memories assault me, every instance between death and life, as Bella and I meet in this strange existence.

"Bella?" I already know it's her, the pain in her voice achingly familiar. Here, she suffers from the burning of my bite, no matter how she dies in the loop. We've never been able to figure out why another mystery remains unanswered.

I crawl on all fours as quickly as possible to the sound of her voice. For some reason, my vampire abilities are lost here. I gather her in my arms, her soft crying lances through my heart. She always tries to keep the pain from her voice, to keep me from hurting, too.

"Will you remember this time?"

I've never allowed myself to remember, and now I know why.

I didn't want to because in the dark I fell in love with her. Not because of some cosmic reason, or even due to my vampire nature. I fell in love with the girl I perpetually killed.

I knew I couldn't live with the guilt if I loved her, so I made myself forget about what happens in the dark. I fought my feelings and her the first few times we met here. It wasn't fair to her.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Your reason for forgetting makes sense."

"Yet, you carried all the burden," I argue, holding her tighter to my chest. She sobs harder, her fingers tightening on my shirt. "I won't forget this time."

"We-We'll figure t-this out together."

I nod, kissing the top of her head. She asks me to sing to her, and I do. All the while, I dread what will happen when our time is up here.

* * *

 **AN: I know it was a bit all over the place, a lot happened in this chapter, plus Bella's high. We'll find out more about this period between death and life in the next loop. If you have any questions, please ask away. I'll answer those that won't give the rest of the story away. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for making this pretty and stopping me from using the same phrase ten times a chapter lol**


	7. No One to Stop Us

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Seven— No One to Stop Us**

* * *

After we make a few promises to each other, my eyes close as I lay my head on Bella's chest, lose myself to the rhythm of her heart. At any moment, I will step into the same day that has been haunting us for what seems like weeks. I continue to hum her lullaby, adding to the unfinished piece and noting the music in my mind. I want to remember, though I fear I may not have a choice.

In the time between Bella's death and starting the day again, we've gotten to know each other. Though she spends a lot of our time here in pain, she begs me to distract her. We've talked about our pasts, granted my turn takes much longer. Almost a century on this planet and yet, she wants to know everything about me.

It is rather strange as my soft humming starts to slur, and a sensation washes over my body. Weariness I haven't felt in eighty years weighs heavily on my eyelids. I no longer have the strength to stay upright. I shift Bella to lie on top of me, the ground beneath surprisingly soft. My fingers run through her hair, her whimpers have quieted over time. It's strange; I can't seem to grasp how long we've been here.

But I know our time is coming to a close. Again, fear rushes through me. What if I _can't_ remember? Not because it's something I choose to forget, but by whatever magic this is.

"Don't be afraid." Bella's fingers brush along my jawline. "It's almost time." On shaky arms, she lifts herself up to hover above me, allowing her hair to fall around our faces. "Kiss me?"

Despite all the pain delivered by my hand, she still fell in love with me here in the dark.

She cocks a slim brow. "Quit overthinking, Edward."

A soft chuckle passes through my lips, causing her to smile. My fingers cradle the back of her head, using the leverage to pull her closer to my awaiting mouth. She hums at the press of my lips. Her thighs part to straddle my hips, her hands lifting to my face. The kiss increases in intensity, both so lost that I just come to realize her tongue is in my mouth!

If my heart beat, it would've stopped at that moment.

I pull away, shaking my head.

She laughs!

"You're not a vampire here, Edward." She's quick to remind me by pinching my side. Hard.

I yelp, making her giggle. "I thought I didn't have better senses, but are you saying I'm human here?"

She shakes her head. "You told me once that your eyes were green when you were human, so no. They're a beautiful hazel color. I'm guessing you're more human here because it's what you want to be."

"So, we have some control over what happens here."

Bella shrugs, her lips twisting in confusion. "I'm not sure, maybe?" She closes her eyes, but a moan of pain hisses through her lips. "The pain won't go away."

"I'm sorry," I whisper it over and over, as I kiss every inch of her exquisite face. A lovely blush colors her cheeks, but it doesn't last long.

"Next time we can try something."

I nod, any attempt at a smile falls as she curls up against me. Pain causes her body to shudder and contort, twisting and breaking my heart. I cry, though no tears fall, as the room brightens around us.

.

.

.

* * *

My foot hits the stair tread hard, sending me catapulting into the same day. Frustration and anguish hit me and threaten to bring me to my knees. I can't allow myself to lose control now; I have a promise to keep.

I turn to run toward my room, causing the conversation between Alice and Esme to stop momentarily, but it resumes as I look for something different to wear. My eyes land on the jacket I need for the day.

After redressing, I make a quick stop at my desk to pick up a notebook and several other items I will need. I stuff everything in a backpack I find in the corner of my closet. I rarely find a need for one, and hope my family doesn't ask questions.

As I head toward the garage, I avoid everyone by simply stating I need some time alone, and apologize to Alice, since she'll need a ride to school. They don't question me, since it's something that happens from time to time.

Alice is curious, but chooses to ignore it for now, too absorbed in the discussion of Isabella Swan with Esme. I'd laugh but that would undoubtedly raise relentless questions. I do not laugh out of the blue.

The drive to Bella's house seems to take too long, even though I speed all the way there. Disappointment floods me when I see her truck is gone, as is her father's police cruiser. I've only taken twenty-three minutes to get ready and arrive.

Does that mean Bella forgot the promise we made in the dark?

A rumble of a familiar engine comes to a stop at the curb of her house. I look up to see Bella waving and grinning from inside her truck. She waits for me to pull away enough so she can park in the driveway and jumps in my car.

"Good morning, Edward. I didn't want to explain to Charlie why some boy was picking me up yet." She presses a kiss to my cheek, surprising me.

I growl, narrow my eyes as she pulls away. "You can't do that!"

She pouts, nodding. "It's not the same as when we're in the dark place. You're super strong here."

"And I struggle intensely with my instinct to kill you." The reminder is harsh, but she doesn't let my words bother her much.

I roll my eyes and drive toward the school with the windows down. "You'll need to wear more layers, having you in here, so close with that scent, I need to keep my windows open."

"Maybe I'll roll around in urine tomorrow." She tries hard not to laugh when I glare at her. "What? It's a possible deterrent."

"My beast would still smell you and take you for a dip in the freezing river before feasting on you."

Bella blushes and squirms in her seat, her thighs pressing together. Another enticing, addicting scent fills the space before the wind pushes it out the window.

I groan. "What made me think this was possible?"

A few moments pass before Bella whispers, "By 'this,' do you mean us? Or close proximity to my luscious blood?"

"L-Luscious!" I splutter. I have never called her blood that to her face.

"You tend to whisper that before you bite me."

I curse as I pull over to the side of the road. Her eyes widen, not in fear but pure shock. I rarely curse. "Please stop saying words like bite, luscious, or blood for that matter."

"I'm sorry, but I'm feeling a strange sort of anticipation, excitement, and adrenaline for the day." Her hands are shaking and she's been fidgeting since climbing into the car.

We had agreed in the dark place, the next couple of loops would be for us to do things we wouldn't normally do. Things we want to do. It's my turn. While I tried to insist she should be first, she was adamant it be me.

The parking lot at the school is almost full when we arrive a few minutes later. After laying down some ground rules to keep her safe for as long as possible, we prepare to exit the car. The fact we're going to separate for classes irritates me. If death is determined to end her life, I need to be able to protect her from it. Meaning, she needs to be by my side at all times.

"You look angry." Bella nudges my shoulder with hers. "We can't pull off what happens next with you looking like you're about to kill someone."

"Kill you, you mean?"

She glares at me. " _You_ didn't kill me in the last loop and you haven't killed me today yet. If I need to stop saying words that can churn your bloodlust, then you need to stop saying things that make me angry!"

Her arms cross over her chest as she stares me down. Unblinking and unyielding. Delightful color fills her cheek, crawling down her neck, and over top of her chest. _Just how far down does it go?_

"You're rather fetching when you're angry."

Her mouth drops open. "Fetching? Who says that nowadays?" She rolls her eyes. "And clearly you're not taking me seriously if my being angry is _fetching_!" Her hand lands on the door handle, pulling to open it.

I place my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Liar." She refuses to look at me, but doesn't jump out of my car either. "You apparently think my anger is something to make fun of. I hate when people do that."

"And I'm apologizing." I try to get her to look at me. "Please, Bella." She finally meets my eyes, her anger is still prominent, but something else is there. How I never noticed it before makes little sense? Maybe because I didn't want to find love and desire there before?

A part of me still doesn't want to see it. I don't deserve to, because resisting her seems impossible.

"I am truly sorry for upsetting you. Decades of self-deprecation is a hard habit to break." I slip a curl of her hair behind her ear as she usually does herself. Her blushing again infuses the air between us.

 _Resist._

 _Resist._

 _Must resist._

"I can understand that, Edward." Her hand rises slowly to my face, silently questioning if it's safe for her to touch me. I simply nod. "I'm not ever likely to forget how we started, but I'm determined to remember what we've become."

"And what's that?" My words are whisper-soft against her cheek, unable to resist touching her.

"An _us._ "

I groan as my lips press against hers, desperately wanting to linger and deepen the kiss. But here, in reality, it's not entirely safe. It pains me to pull away. "Let's show them we're an _us_ too."

"With pleasure," she says with a little fist pump. "After hearing every female go on and on about you, this will be so much fun." She moves to open the door for her, but I stop her again. "What?"

"As you could tell by my use of the word _fetching_ , I'm rather old-fashioned."

"Oh." She waits, placing her hands on her lap to wait for me as I circle the car to her side. "This I don't mind so much." She accepts my hand to exit the car, her hand slipping into her pocket to pull out a pair of sunglasses.

I wink and do the same. We're facing each other, attempting to look serious. She's having more trouble with remaining cool and aloof, but I don't mind at all. A giggle slips through her façade, which she masks with a cough.

I lead us toward the campus across the parking lot, aware of several students stopping to stare at us openly. Shock and confusion cross over their faces, a few upset I already knew Bella.

 _Might as well stake your claim._

I release Bella's hand, seeing her confusion too. I offer her a genuine smile and drape my arm carefully over her shoulders, tucking her closer to my side. She sighs and nuzzles my arm, blushing as I press a kiss to her temple.

I suppress the smile threatening to take over as Mike Newton frowns then starts to whine in his thoughts. It doesn't last long; instead, her scent encompasses my senses, the feel of her soft hair tickling my lips.

"You smell good."

She smiles up at me, her eyes warmer than ever. "Thank you for deciding to remember this time, Edward. It was so difficult to keep my feelings to myself."

I have the sudden urge to swallow. "Feelings?"

In the dark place, I told her I was falling in love with her. She never returned the sentiment, not really. Only indicated she never felt that way before. Now, in this endless loop, would she tell me how she truly feels?

"I love you, Bella."

And then we're struck by a car.

* * *

 **AN: I'm aware that I'm so evil. The boy was too distracted. Thanks to Midnight Cougar, she helps enable...I mean encourage me.**


	8. Between the Eyes

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Eight—Between the Eyes**

* * *

I curse as I choose to roll with the force of the van should it hit a human. My arms wrap around Bella in an attempt to take most of the brunt. My body can handle it, hers can't. Despite the steel cages of my arms, our bodies roll five times, each one causing Bella to whimper or scream.

Her elbow breaks first, soon followed by her leg, and then finally, her head makes an impact on the asphalt when we come to a stop. Sounds outside our bubble return full force; screaming erupts from every direction. Among the hundred voices vying for my attention, my father and Alice are here.

"Oh, G-God," Bella whimpers. She gasps when I try to pull away, her finger tightening around me. "Edward." Another pained cry falls from her pale lips, almost as if I'm the only thing holding her together.

My dead heart lurches at the thought.

My father and Alice join us first, keeping others from closing in. "Let him check first; he's a doctor." Alice tries to diffuse the situation as it continues to escalate. The morbidly curious onlookers start to ask questions no one seems to have answers to…something about a runaway van.

Alice crouches beside us, and though she doesn't know Bella, she takes her small hand in hers. "Is there blood, Carlisle?" It's then I notice she's not breathing.

My father utters for her to stay back by way of answering. "Edward, pull back, son."

Every part of me begs to ignore the request; even the beast wants to linger. I have yet to breathe, fearing her scent will overwhelm me. Already the feel of her blood coating my fingers causes my hunger to stir.

Love, for once, blocks it long enough for me to pull back and fully assess the damage done to Bella's fragile body.

"The blood, son, are you all right?" Carlisle doesn't wait for my reply, asking me to assist on maneuvering her onto her back once he determines it's safe to do so.

"I'll endure it."

"What the hell just happened?" Alice keeps her voice too low for humans to hear.

Gently, I grip Bella's shoulder as she cries out and rolls toward me. Whispered lies that she'll be the okay, filter through my lips in a tone that has hundreds of questions forming in Carlisle and Alice's minds.

Bella wants to curl into herself, the pain likely horrendous, but Carlisle holds her still as tenderly as possible.

"Edward, it hurts."

I close my eyes; her pain is my own. The idea of causing her more due to my inability to focus on anything but her is mind-numbing and heartrending. I can only take so much.

"Is she suffering?" My tone is severe enough for Carlisle and Alice to look at each other in concern. "Is she suffering?" This time anger fuels my words.

"Her concussion is severe. She's cracked three ribs, bruised the others. Her right leg is broken in three places, and her elbow is almost shattered. She's covered in road rash…" His voice becomes graver with every injury he lists. "One of her bones has punched through—"

I raise my hand to tell him silently that he needs to stop. I'm on the precipice of losing my mind and every ounce of control I possess. There's a need to lash out, destroy everything in my path in anguish and heartbreak.

I press my forehead to Bella's, gentle in my approach. The gesture shocks Carlisle and Alice enough that it's palpable, but it's easy for me to ignore.

"Forgive me." A kiss to her forehead warms me, but only for a too-brief moment.

Her eyes start to roll back as her body begins to seize. Before my father can react and provide assistance, I press my thumb between Bella's eyes…hard. Punching through layers and killing her instantly.

Carlisle and Alice's horrified screams follow me as I succumb to the phenomenon's spell.

.

.

.

* * *

My eyes snap open to darkness and a muffled cry, footsteps soon follow. Then for the first time in almost eighty years, I feel physical pain when Bella stomps between my thighs with vicious payback in her darkened eyes.

 _My_ body curls up, one of my hands covering my groin. One of my arms rises to stop any more kicks or her stomping feet.

"You're supposed to be indestructible and have the brain capacity as a vampire to avoid something as slow to you as a moving van! Didn't you say you run as fast as high-end cars?" Her arms flail about as she rants. "And what the hell was that? You used your thumb like a bullet between my eyes?"

"I was t-trying." I groan, unable to bear the pain. Never in my vampire existence or my life before it did I feel anything like it. Other than the burning of transformation and emotional pain, nothing hurt like this. "Trying to stop your pain."

She screeches at the top of her lungs and I know then that her anger is not completely about how I handled the accident. Frustration lingers in every loop as questions continue to remain unanswered. No wonder it led to her lashing out; much like I wanted to do the same due to the accident.

"Shit." She falls to her knees beside me, her hands fluttering down my stomach. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have done that. I'm just so angry."

"I understand; besides I deserve it considering why we're here."

She rolls her eyes. "Yes, _you're_ the reason Death has a hard-on for me."

"That makes only one of us," I splutter, embarrassed by my own words. Though it makes me wonder where Bella's language is coming from, then I consider she's justified to let out her frustrations and anger however she wants to; even I'm a target.

"Are you in pain?" How I manage to utter a word as throbbing continues to radiate along my groin.

"It's manageable, at the moment; probably because of all the adrenaline that's heating my blood." She slaps her hand over her mouth after saying the word I told her to avoid, her wide eyes on me. "Sorry."

"No worries here, love." I groan as I roll to my side and sit on my backside. "There's no need for caution here in the dark." I can see her more as my eyes adjust to the darkness.

"I know you probably hate me a little right now—"

"Never, Bella. I admit that I felt that for a moment when this all started, but only because your blood made me become something I had hoped to bury. Never to surface again." I take her hand in mine, relishing the warmth that for once matches my own. "Talk to me. I'll do my best to answer or give you whatever you want. After everything I've done, you deserve my eternal servitude." My fingers run through a wayward curl behind her ear, loving the smile my gesture elicits. "What is it?"

"First, I don't want eternal servitude, though I may ask for it on occasion." She winks and giggles when I whimper, a gentle stirring beneath the pain that lingers.

Why have I been so stupid to force myself to forget our time in the dark? Flirting comes easily for both of us, but the innuendo is new. I can't say I disapprove, at least not while we're here.

Her teeth nibble her bottom lip, deepening the lovely color of her skin. "Second, can I touch you?"

While here in the dark, between death and life, it takes some time for me to welcome her touch. I want it, long for it, and occasionally, I have surrendered to her sweet requests. This time will be no different.

A nod is all it takes for her to climb into my lap; her warmth, scent, and softness surrounds me. Her head rests on my shoulder as her fingers grip tight to the back of my neck. Her breath skims over my heated skin under my ear, a shiver moving through me.

"I love you, Edward."

"I'm sorry for being so distracted that I let a van hit us."

She sighs, pinching my side.

I yelp because I feel pain here. It's still lingering, though Bella sitting on my lap brings on a different kind of discomfort.

"This is the part where you say 'I love you, too' and not get hit by a van."

I snort but look around the darkened space. This isn't the time to take any chances. "I wish I can convey how much I've fallen in love with you, Isabella Swan."

As if on cue, a soft glow illuminates a corner of the area. We both gasp at the sight of a grand piano, much like one of the few I own.

"You're finally learning how to dream." She lifts up to her feet, offering her hand; her strength to help me up is surprising.

"What do you mean by that?"

Bella shrugs. "Remember the first time I said I wish I had a pillow? I think it was after the fifth rotation."

My more human brain does take time to find the memory, but she's right. "A pillow appeared out of nowhere."

She smiles, taking my hands and holding them up to her lips. "You've struggled with the concept, but I'm guessing you've overcome it."

"I wanted to share a piece I composed since all this started happening."

Her eyes light up. "You're going to play for me?"

I nod, but internally pray my human piano skills are up to the challenge. "If you'd like me to, that is."

"I do," she whispers, jumping up onto her toes to kiss my lips. It's much too brief, but I refuse to complain. She gives them to me so freely here. "What's the piece called?"

" _Bella's Lullaby_."

* * *

 **AN: I hope you can forgive Bella's reaction, between all her emotions and just the utter failure of how their chance to make the most of their perpetual day turned out, she lashed out. Don't forget, he's technically killed her several times, too. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for your help with the chapter. I'm leaving my best friend and heading home first thing in the morning and I don't want to yet :'(**


	9. A Day?

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Nine – A Day?**

* * *

I continue to play _Bella's Lullaby_ for what feels like hours, her head on my shoulder. Sensing she's hiding her tears from me, as well as her pain, I keep going. A kick to my groin is what I deserve, a thousand times over.

"Bella." My whisper breaks through the notes as her lips press to the curve of my shoulder.

She lifts herself off the seat enough to grant me another kiss, this time to the side of my neck. The feel of her skin on mine elicits a shiver of desire—lust, other than for blood, pools in my stomach. More of her warmth encompasses my heart, and for the first time in over eighty years, I swear the once-dead organ beats in my chest. It flips when she continues her delicious torture. It only feels as such because I can't return in kind. It hasn't always been easy for her to talk to me in this space in-between life and death.

She hid from me the first few times, for a good reason. The hunger had lingered back then. Now, it doesn't register. Yet, I know the beast stands to watch—not to wait for his chance to kill her again, but to drink from the well of her body. It merely wants to protect her, and even me.

A part of me wants to stay in this dark place, yet I know reality, no matter the strange phenomenon, will intrude.

"Damn," Bella hisses.

The fringes of darkness close in on us, only to brighten as we're thrown into another Monday.

.

.

.

* * *

"So, now we know not to cross the parking lot while you look into my eyes." Bella bats her lashes, her smile infectious.

"No, it's your turn this time. My turn had failed spectacularly. We can always try again." It's strange to look forward to something again when it means that she'll have to die for it to happen.

The touch of her hand doesn't startle me. I know her enough to realize she becomes concerned if all of a sudden, I stare off into space.

"Where did you go?" She cocks her head to look at me questionably, and I wish I could get off the road to kiss her.

"It feels wrong to want you to die just for us to have time to explore this thing between us."

She nods. "Makes sense; you'd be an asshole if it didn't mess with your head. We have time before it drives me crazy, you probably a bit more time."

"I hadn't even considered what this could do to your psyche. How can you even say you love me?"

"Easy, I love you." She points at a road sign indicating how many miles to the Kingston Trail. "The words may be easy for me to say, but they don't mean any less."

I don't know what to say to that, other than the words themselves. The last time I did that in this perpetual reality, a car hit us. Too distracted by the love I'd seen reflected in her eyes.

"We're not going to school?" It's a stupid question since she wants to go for a hike.

"Can you please take me to the meadow? I didn't get to enjoy its beauty the last time you took me there."

I can't deny her.

.

.

.

* * *

"I forget how fast you can run." Bella's knees wobble as I set her on the ground, a good excuse as any to keep my hands on her. She doesn't seem to mind, and knowing this makes the beast inside me pull back.

Only slightly, though. I can never forget that it's always ready to be unleashed.

She looks around, a small smile on her soft lips. "The scent reminds me of those few times in the _in-between_ where you created this space to ignore me."

"It never worked." I hate the memories of those first moments in-between death and life. The first time, she screamed and cried, cowering in the corner of the dark space. My hunger lingered, taking too many loops for me to realize I'm more human there because _I_ want to be for her.

Even then, I couldn't believe how easy it was for her fall in love with me.

We lay in the tall grasses after checking for any possible threats to her safety. My hunger too tenuous to be complacent. Not with her life on the line _. I am under control_ , a constant mantra in the back of my mind.

The soft hum on her lips—her lullaby, though a touch off-key—is mesmerizing. The slight vibration of her bottom lip stirs a potent desire through the beast; however, it reminds me of the time I sipped blood from her mouth.

Shame forces me to roll away from her, two desires struggling for control. A near-constant battle as of late. I am unaccustomed to feeling both at the same time. It doesn't seem to be anything like when my family hunted and mated shortly after or during.

I shudder, making Bella giggle beside me.

Rolling back, I feel a tad more in control. "What's so funny?"

"I can see your mind going a million miles a minute, so something made you shudder in disgust."

Honesty is the only way we'll ever get out of this hell. "I've never felt the desire for blood and lust at the same time."

Her eyes widen; an enticing flush on her cheeks and lips. "Um, okay. Since you're what you are, we should probably change the subject."

I groan and shift to my back again, looking at the gray sky above. "If we must."

"We could explore that last one in the time _in-between._ "

Another groan leaves unbidden from my lips, and I'm on my feet within a split second. I run around the meadow, a mere blur to Bella, going as fast as I can.

"Ow!"

I stop suddenly, the air tinged with the scent of her blood.

"You have to be kidding me?" Bella screams, holding up a dying bee from her arm. Her eyes roll back as she faints.

I run and check for the source of blood and find a tiny bite from the bee's stinger on her thready pulse along her wrist. The blood does nothing to me, maybe because it's already dried up, or because I love her too much.

"Bella," I whisper, as her head lolls onto my shoulder. "Are you allergic?"

"I d-on't knooow."

From the size of her lump already forming, I believe the answer is yes. By the time we reach the car, her breathing is laborious, her skin deathly pale.

"Not-t going to m-make it." Her hand lifts to my cheek, tears already forming in her eyes. "We need to tell Death to go fuck itself."

I nod and try to determine if I should attempt to open her trachea to buy us some time. Her pulse is low, her coughing doubling her over, already in anaphylactic shock. Her slurring words and other symptoms a clear indication we only have minutes.

Despite my speed, we'll never make it to my house or hospital.

"How l-long do you think we've been in this thing?" Her fingers close around her neck, her next breath more of a wheeze.

I shake my head, confusion coloring my next words. "I have no concept of time in the _in-between_."

Her look is a cross between anger from my tone and amusement. "I love you, but sometimes you're dumb."

"I think you're losing oxygen to your brain."

"Oh, he has j-jokes." She coughs roughly.

I cradle her in my arms, sliding down against my car and onto the ground. She doesn't have more than a couple of minutes.

I sigh. "I can still kill you, without even laying a finger on you."

She slaps my arm half-heartedly. "Don't sound so smug," she says amid bouts of wheezing and coughs.

Confusion comes over her, her hand closing around my shirt. "How long have we been here, Edward?"

I've already told her I can't keep track of our time in-between.

"Not c-counting that time." Her words slur together, more mumble than coherent.

It takes less than a second to calculate the time and makes me sob aloud. "Just under twenty-six hours."

It seems so much longer, I'm as shocked as she seems to be.

"Wow, that sucks."

Her heart starts to slow as her eyes close. A dark presence hovers nearby, Death checking to see if his or her work is done. It's almost time, but I sense no malevolent glee in the entity. It has no real form, no thoughts for me to read, or any real substance. It exists merely to pull the souls of those who are destined to die.

Will changing her make a difference? Isn't she dying anyway? Shock causes me to still, unable to believe that I'm contemplating changing her. I would never wish this long existence on anyone, especially someone like Bella.

I can't help but think that this may be the answer to all our problems. Right?

.

.

.

* * *

 **Sam Uley**

 **Eastern border of Quileute Territory**

" _Anything?"_ Jared paces along my side, his heat radiating outward as strongly as his anxiety. His fur is nearly standing on end.

" _Nothing."_ Communicating through our mental link is natural, not necessarily with words all the time. Sometimes we use images.

" _No one can get through?"_

I shake the bulky weight of my wolf head from side to side. _"The second we near the border, every one of us forgets why we're there and leave. Human and shifters alike."_

The phenomena that keep us from entering Forks became noticeable when Billy Black and Jacob couldn't visit Charlie. They'd been confused and tried again, only for them to return. It alarmed me enough to check out the area. Only to block out why I'd been at the border and how I got home. Emily said I had walked in without a word, catatonic and unlike myself.

Since then, we've tested the boundaries of this thing happening to the inhabitants of Forks. It is how we have figured out it goes as far as Port Angeles. Not even phone calls can penetrate whatever is happening in Forks.

It won't be long before government assholes and possibly vampires will swarm the place.

 _Fuck._

* * *

 **AN: Oh boy! A bee sting?! You're all probably, like really? I've almost died twice due to a bee sting, so yes, really. LOL. Now you know what outsiders are seeing. What do you think?**

 **Thanks to Midnight Cougar for your perpetual red pen help with the chapter. Any and all mistakes are mine, I added and tweaked a bit before posting. Any questions that will not spoil the end of this story can be answered if you have any. Thanks for your patience, it was one hell of a summer and fall is looking a;lksdjf;lkajsd;lfkjasdf.**


	10. The Battle of Lusts

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Ten—The Battle of Lusts**

* * *

 _ **The Place In Between**_

 **Edward**

"Unbelievable," Bella moans from across the dark space.

Using my limited vision, I can just make out the shape of her. I regain what little sense I have and make my way toward her, crawling over her soft, warm body, and take note that she's significantly warmer than the last time we were here.

It makes no sense to me, but then again, none of this does.

"Are you all right?" My question comes to a stop on a whisper; her answering look clearly says not to ask something so stupid ever again. _Of course, she's not okay, not since she first laid eyes on me._

She moans again, her hips undulating under my own, though it seems far from pleasure. "Can you please try not to make this pain," she makes a motion toward herself, "about yourself, please?"

I'm in shock, having never noticed I do that, and I have quite a bit, if my limited memory serves me right. How can she read me so easily?

Sheepishly, she looks up at me, finally stilling enough to meet my dark gaze. "What? You get this look on your face that says, 'woe is me' or 'this is all my fault' or even 'how can she love me,' every time I show even a hint of pain here."

My brow furrows as her words hit me. She's right; she's the one hurting, and my first thought is how _I'm_ the reason we're here. Then her last part of her little speech makes me freeze. "Are you holding back, Bella?"

Her eyes widen as her hand lifts up to hold two of her fingers an inch apart. "Only a little; I promise."

I gather her in my arms, rolling us until she's draped over my body. Beneath me, the ground softens and the space grows warmer, infinitely better than the cold concrete. There is no missing the smile on her lips as I manage to transform the area into something resembling a bedroom in some grand hotel.

"You're learning." Her body contorts in pain for what feels like forever, but she eventually relaxes. "I'm sorry I've kept how much I'm hurting from you."

I understand why she's kept it from me. "If you had been honest, I would've stayed away from you much longer."

She nods and hums her lullaby; the tip of one her fingers traces patterns on my chest. "How long does it take for the transformation?"

Once again, I freeze at her question, unsure how to proceed considering my thoughts during the end of the last cycle. "Transformation?" Clearly, she's remembered the fight we had a few loops before, where I refused changing her to save us from this perpetual hell, in front of my entire family.

She shrugs, but soon sighs hard. "I may have been a bit out of it as I lay gasping in your arms, but I do remember our fight."

"Are you always so dramatic?" I deadpan, hoping to lighten the tension between us.

"Asks the emo vampire." She tries to stretch above me, but doesn't seem satisfied and shifts until she's sitting up, her arms rising high over her head. Her knees tighten along my hips, but there is no helping my reaction. Not with her looking the way she does, and all that warmth that surrounds me.

She smiles as if she's reading my thoughts again. "The pain is always there, but if I'm thoroughly distracted, I feel it a little less." A finger taps her chin in contemplation, a tiny smile on her beautiful face. "What should we do to distract me?"

 _I have some ideas._

Instead of acting on those, I sit up quickly and roll her beneath me again, eliciting a squeal of surprise and a few giggles. "How about we get to know each other some more?"

Her arms come up around my neck, her smile a little unsure. "Why won't you answer my question about transformation?"

I sigh and keep as much of my weight off her, pressing kisses along her cheek and neck in an attempt to distract her. "My transformation lasted for seventy-one hours, thirty-three minutes, thirteen seconds of the most excruciating pain of my existence. It's not something I like to think about."

Her eyes soften, her fingers tracing the area under one of my eyes. "I know, but the more information we have, the better the chances to break the loop." I nod and shudder, making her breath catch. "You're scaring me, Edward."

Scaring her is the last thing I want now, but she needs to understand what she's asking of me.

"The venom in my bite burns through your blood, killing and changing you at the same time. The change goes down to the molecular level, your DNA actually transforms, but the process is excruciating, most wish for death and scream through it all. I did. You feel like you're on fire. You even expect to see your flesh burning, but it's not." I shake my head, my body shuddering at the horrific memories.

"You don't have to keep going."

I can hear the tears in her voice, but do not dare to look at her. "I had a thought in the last loop." She encourages me to continue, her fingers running through my hair. "If I initiate your change, you'll live for at least three days."

"Past our window of time that we seem to have in the loops. Which was why your family insisted it was the only answer to breaking this bullshit." She shakes her head, giving me a watery smile. "I don't want you to change me to save me. You have to want it, me, forever, Edward."

I close my eyes, already aware this would be her condition. The choice in the end will be mine. Unless…I pull away to look at her. "Do you want forever me with me?"

"Endless power, endless time with someone I love, why not?"

I roll my eyes and shift to lie on my back, leaving her on her own. "It's not that simple. Do you have any idea what you're saying? What you'd have to give up?"

She turns to her side, propping her head on her hand. "Why don't you explain it to me then? Or is this because I'll be different? Not as appealing?"

I scoff. "Don't be ridiculous, Isabella Marie Swan. This has nothing to do with how different you'd be as a vampire. Will I miss your softness and warmth? Yes, but it would be nicer not to want to kill you as much as I want to kiss you."

She smiles and presses a kiss to my lips, gentle little nips excite me, but she swiftly pushes me away.

One thing I've learned about her is once she sets her mind to something, she's going to find a way to get what she wants. And at the moment, she wants answers.

She explains that Carlisle and the others have told her about the Volturi and the consequences of breaking our most sacred laws in a previous loop where they've tried to stop me from boarding a plane at the airport. I spend quite some time telling her the complexities of my race.

Bella absorbs the information quickly and comes to a conclusion that has been bothering me since she asked how long we've been in the loops. "If the phenomenon comes to an end the moment of my rebirth, we'd have to leave Forks immediately. There would be no saying goodbye to my father and even my mother."

I take her hand in mind. "When we awaken, our hunger is instant, and the instinct to quench the thirst is strong. Imagine your throat and mouth dry, now times it by thousand, then add a burning sensation when we come close to a blood source—that's how it would feel the moment you wake up from the change. It wouldn't be safe to remain anywhere close to humans."

She swallows hard. "If people outside of us are unaware of what's happening, could we leave without detection?"

There's no avoiding my family; the moment we're clear of the phenomenon, Alice will likely see our intent to leave Forks and create some kind of distraction, despite not knowing why.

"Other than my family, I have no idea, Bella. Were people aware when it happened to you before?"

She'd mentioned the fall out of a tree as a child, even the car accident she'd been involved in with her mother and Phil, but changed it so that she'd avoid it, but at the cost of her mother's and stepfather's injuries.

"After the fall from the tree, my mother seemed confused, swore she lost time."

I sigh and shake my head. "We have to assume people will know something strange has happened."

Bella's lip twists slightly under the dull bite of her teeth. "But do we go based on how long it's been in the loops or include the time in the space between death and life?"

"Considering that we have no control how long we're here, that's another question we don't have an answer for."

Neither of us says another word for several minutes, darkness soon intruding on the fringes of the space. Our time here is coming to an end.

"What are we going to do?" She looks up at me, tears in her eyes.

I've made my decision. "I don't think I will leave you alive once I bite you." I have to be honest; a bite to her finger is nothing like her neck or wrist. "It's going to take some time to temper my reaction and allow the change to happen. I'm not strong enough yet, but know this, I love you."

The tip of her finger slides along my bottom lip, pushing up to kiss me with a fever I come to love. Groaning and moaning, we continue until the darkness encompasses everything around us.

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **Another Monday**_

"So you explained to your family and they all agree that it'll take a few times to acclimate to my scent and taste of my blood."

Upon entering this loop, I tell my family everything, and though, they are worried about the consequences of changing Bella, they understand it may be the only answer. Other than my own demise, though that is still up for debate.

"Try a lot more than a few since you're apparently my singer."

She makes a face, provoking a laugh from me. "Singer? I know you haven't heard me outright sing, but I can tell you right now, I'm nothing to rave about, Edward."

"La tua cantante, loosely translates to my singer, meaning that your blood sings to me."

"Okay, so because of my singing blood, they believe it'll take some time to get it right."

I nod. "My father asked for us to visit after school to discuss it more and what we can do in each loop to desensitize myself to your blood."

"How long did it take you to explain all this to your family?" She fidgets with the heat control of my car, unable to meet my eyes.

"Less than ten minutes, then I came straight to your house to pick you up."

She sighs. "We didn't get to discuss how soon we'll try the biting thing."

I take her shaking fingers in my hand and wait for her to look at me. "We were thoroughly distracted in the end before restarting the day."

She looks at my lips, licking her own. She really shouldn't do that while I'm driving or while she's human and I'm a vampire. There's very little I can do about it in reality, not without risking her life.

"Are you nervous about trying now?" I understand, considering the numerous times I've bitten her in the previous loops. "My father suggested he could do it him—"

"No." She shakes her head hard. "We've been through all of this for a reason; it has to be you, Edward. I'd rather die by your hand a hundred times than have someone I don't know do it." She's adamant it needs to be me for us to come out of this together. "Can you honestly live for eternity with _another_ _man's_ mark on me?"

My reaction to her question is instinctual, brutal, and nearly animalistic. The car revs hard under the pressure of my lead foot as I maneuver with ease through the school traffic and bypass the parking lot to head out of town. I sense Bella's trepidation, but offer her nothing other than a low growl when her hand reaches for the handle. As if she's willing to jump out and start over today again. "Don't even think about it."

Her heart rate picks up in speed as my odometer climbs higher and higher. "What's wrong?"

I don't bother answering as the area comes into view. The brakes squeal as I glide off the road and into a previously cleared dirt road. An accident had occurred only last month; the large truck had decimated several trees before an ancient oak finally proved too much. It created a tunnel made of trees, dark and perfect for our needs. Darkness soon surrounds the car, and I can smell the fear and adrenaline in her blood mixed with something else just as potent.

Her desire for me.

"Only you, only you." She pounces before I can push back my seat, straddling me, her hands in my hair as she pulls my mouth to hers. There's nothing gentle about this kiss; it's all consuming and passionate, threatening to snap what little control I have left. My nimble fingers keep her from nicking herself on my teeth, need has me gasping, and she takes advantage of it. Her tongue slides against my own.

Her taste here is incredible; the warmth of her mouth, of that slippery tongue is the start of my undoing. My hands grab hold of her hips, pulling her hard against mine. We both groan as the hottest and softest part of her meets the cool, hardest part of me. She pulls her lips from mine to gasp and writhe on my lap.

She tugs on my hair, eliciting a hiss and another low growl. "I only want _your_ mark on me."

"Fuck." I curse under my breath, continuing this tenuous hold on my control. It's difficult to care of such things when she's so close and so damn warm. When she feels good and perfect in my hold. Minutes pass in the same manner, every thrust of her hips sending us closer and closer to the inevitable edge.

Suddenly, she cries out, trembling in my arms, her head thrown back. Leaving her neck exposed. Unable to resist as my body gives in to the pleasure, my teeth nick into her shoulder, my tongue lapping at the blood that flows out of my bite.

Between her enticing blood, her warmth, the scent of her arousal, and the tightening of her hips around mine, I explode.

And as I've predicted, I can't hold back and sink my teeth into her neck, where her pulse throbs against my bloody lips.

* * *

 **AN: Yeah, we knew it wouldn't work the first time his lusts battled and he had her on his lap. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for getting this back to me quickly. Any mistakes are mine, I tinkered as usual. Anyway, we'll be skipping loops soon. Only because it's going to take time for Edward to control himself and not give in to his bloodlust enough to allow the change to happen. Also, we'll have another look at what's happening outside of the phenomenon area. Busy month ahead, I'm going to need every ounce of good vibes or prayers to remain sane throughout it.**

 **Thanks to sticking around XOXO**


	11. Kiss, Kiss, Kiss

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Eleven—Kiss, Kiss, Kiss**

* * *

 ** _The Place in Between_**

Bella moans from somewhere to my left, but it's clear that it's not one derived from pleasure. Whimpers soon accompany the painful torment in her voice as she calls for me.

Though I feel undeserving to be in her presence, I also cannot resist. How can I give her anything less than what she desires? It's becoming increasingly clear our minds have conjured to cope better with what is happening. Even if we don't understand the full implications yet. It's the only explanation for how we can easily manipulate the area.

This is likely a figment of our imagination, but it doesn't make it any less real.

Crisp, cold surrounding air warms as I scramble toward Bella. The startling, bright white surroundings that remind of my human past, dim to a soft blue.

If we are the creators of this place in between, then why does she scream in agony? My limited mind, now more human than vampire here, fails to comprehend why this is happening, only that it is and we're at the epicenter of it.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." I pull her gently in my lap, cradling her in my arms as she continues to scream. She twists and turns in my hold as if my touch is unbearable. Her beautiful, dark hair is matted to her forehead with sweat, her eyes devoid of color other than black. They meet mine, unseeing, delirious as she calls for me again and again.

For the first time in almost a century, tears form and fall down my cheeks. Her hand lifts from clutching my chest, only to fall when she realizes she's too weak. Whispered words fall from her lips, too soft for my more human ears to hear.

I bend to listen, and my heart breaks as she reminds me that she loves me and asks for a Monday off. Somehow, a broken chuckle is shared between us; the soft presses of our lips are our only comfort.

I think she's transforming, but how or why doesn't make sense.

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **Just Another Monday**_

I take a step on the stairs upon entering another Monday. If we ever find a way out of this perpetual existence, I will likely take every Monday off, and hopefully, Bella will be right beside me. With that thought in mind, I run up the stairs and change out of my clothes.

Alice is shocked to see me in so much black when we leave for school, and wonders why I've asked the others to meet us at lunch to pick up my car and leave my father's Mercedes. My dear sister's attempts to see into my future are as muddled and chaotic as before; the most significant change is that a familiar pair of brown eyes is much more prominent.

"Is that Bella?"

"Bella? Isn't that the name of the new girl who's supposed to start today?" One would think that after decades of playing parts for our charade as humans, I would be able to act to avoid stirring Alice's scrutiny.

She's tenacious and will not to stop until she gets an answer. "Yes, she's supposed to be starting today, but how do you know that, Edward?"

I tap my temple to throw her off the scent, and I'm pleased to see it works.

"For whatever reason, I can't seem to see your future, other than Bella's eyes and uh…"

"And what?" I prompt.

She smirks and shakes her head. "You're just lucky Emmett isn't here."

My body stirs in anticipation. Although Bella and I have agreed that we won't be attempting more amorous activities for a while, it's obvious Alice sees more of it in my future.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

" _Let's have some fun..." Bella whispers raggedly, her eyes fluttering closed. "...with your family."_

I shake away the memory of the last conversation I had with Bella in the space between and focus on getting to school. We have a plan, and thankfully, no one except us will remember it. However, we will be as far away from the parking lot as possible, to avoid oncoming vehicles.

No need to tempt fate twice.

.

.

.

* * *

"Who are you waiting for?" Alice looks toward the cafeteria doors where I've had my gaze directed since we arrived for lunch.

I look away, shrugging. "No one."

"There's something going with you." Alice grimaces and rubs her temples. "Whatever it is, it's messing with my visions. There's a presence here that isn't evil or sinister in nature, but it…"

"Lacks empathy." I've noticed Bella's shadowing Death Angel, and Alice is right. There is no evil in its presence, just the overwhelming need to carry out its duty, and killing Bella is its mission.

It lingers near Tyler Lawrence for some reason, but moves away as Bella approaches.

Anticipation simmers my blood, Alice's babbling falls on deaf ears, and my only focus is the cafeteria doors. In the background, I'm aware Emmett, Rosalie, and even Jasper have joined us after getting passes from Ms. Cope.

Bella pushes open the double doors and pops the collar of the leather jacket she's wearing. Something she found in her father's closet. She smirks as her eyes settle on me, causing my siblings to immediately stop talking and stare. The shy girl is gone.

Before they have a chance to ask what is happening, I rise from my seat and walk toward her. There is no mistaking my smile as the entire cafeteria comes to a gawking standstill.

The second she's within arm's reach, I pull her against my body, thrilled when she gasps as my hand settles into the back pocket of her jeans. That's unscripted. Her eyes are wide when they meet mine, the glimmer of desire and amusement is a lovely combination. One I hope to see much more of when we figure this out.

I cradle one side of her cheek, brushing my thumb across her bottom lip. Though my family is both fascinated and horrified, Alice can't seem to help herself.

" _Kiss her, kiss the girl, Edward!"_

She's not the only one, but the surrounding internal voices dim as Bella's lips part enough to welcome the tip of my finger, her tongue teasing me.

I shake my head. "You really shouldn't have done that."

She winks. "I know." To the tips of her toes, she lifts to wrap her arms around my neck. "Are you going to kiss me?"

I press my lips to hers, shocking everyone around us. Her lips are as soft as I remember but surprisingly cool. A little moan from her unravels me, my hand in her back-pocket squeezes, and a groan rumbles through me.

That only seems to amp Bella's desire, pressing her chest closer, her nipples tightening under her T-shirt. My free hand moves to cradle the back of her head, shifting her mouth for the sole purpose of devouring her. The slick slide of my tongue along her bottom lip grants me access, inviting the potent taste of her to excite me more.

She's a fire in arms, though it doesn't explain who pulled the fire alarm as it blares to life. The sprinkler system overhead explodes with water, sparks ignite and causes electricity to hum. Soon chaos ensues, everyone running for cover and out the two cafeteria exits.

"Is there a fire?" Bella asks, as she pulls away to breathe.

"Besides the one in Edward's pants?" Emmett says, as he slaps my back and grins at Bella. "Alice explained that you're his mate."

Bella shrugs, blushing under the scrutiny of my family.

"She doesn't even question what you mean." Rosalie is thoroughly confused by the events, and understandably angry. "You knew this was going to happen, but how does she know if you just met?"

"We'll explain later." I lead Bella toward the cafeteria doors as my siblings continue to barrage me with hundreds of questions in my head.

Alice looks like she's in pain, rubbing her temples as we approach the doors. Then suddenly she screams, "Bella don't!"

Bella is already pushing open the door, unaware of the live wire hanging overhead from the exit sign. Her body immediately starts seizing as thousands of volts of electricity pass through her.

I grab her, and with every fiber of my strength, I fight the current and pull her into the safety of my arms. Her heart beats frantically until it falls silent. My family calls out my name as Bella and I tumble to the floor.

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **La Push - Sam**_

"Whatever this thing is, it may have affected the area from Forks to as far as Seattle, considering local reports match ours here." Jared shakes his head, confusion making him irritable. "But Seattle also suffered mass power outages and loss of time for about two hours. Forks is still inside the bubble."

"If it hit Seattle, we must prepare." I rise from the head of the table, fighting the instinct to transform. "The Cullens told us of a group of vampires that monitor all vampire clans, remember?" The others, Jared, Paul, Quil, and Embry, all nod. "Whatever is happening in Forks and the surrounding area will get their attention. An unknown event, and in the center is a family of their kind, would call for an investigation."

"What are you saying, Sam?" Paul pounds his fist on the table. "Are you saying more leeches are coming here?"

I look at each of their faces, boys who have become men overnight. "I know they are."

"How?" Jared asks, as Emily sets down a plate of homemade bread. He grabs a piece and stuffs it in his mouth. "And what are we supposed to do about them?"

"Jacob, Leah, and Seth have suddenly come down with a fever." I sit down and hang my head, sensing Emily's sadness.

Jared winces and shares a look with Paul. "Leah? Are you sure?"

I nod, then sigh when Emily wraps her arms around my shoulders. "They'll be here soon, and there's nothing we can do to stop them."

"Fuck that!" Paul explodes again and stomps to the door. "I'm going to Forks, see if there's a way inside."

Jared gets up to join him, but I lift my hand to stop him. "He'll be back in an hour and not remember anything. We've been through this for hours while testing. He's just worried. We have to stop going there before it does permanent damage to our memory."

Jared nods and whispers, "I just wish we knew what 'it' is."

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **Italy—Aro**_

"There was a call from someone who wants to make a report about the Cullen family during your uh, feast, sir." Gianna delivers a note with a number into my waiting palm. My nose twitches at the awful scented stationary she plagues us with this week.

She'll be dead sooner rather than later if she keeps this up.

I look at the note, Gianna's handwriting marginally better than before. "Ah, it seems our dear friend Joshua is passing through." An interesting development; the young vampire is quite punctual, at least. "A phone, my dear," I demand of Gianna.

"Right on schedule," Caius teases with a roll of his eyes. "Why you must play this charade when you ask one of our many minions to check on the Cullens, I cease to understand."

There's no mistaking the distaste in Caius's tone, he isn't particularly fond of Carlisle or his preferred diet.

"A necessity, my dear brother. We can't be too careful with such a large clan. We mustn't be too careless."

Gianna quickly pulls up the rotary phone, one of the few landlines I had installed decades earlier. I detest technology, but alas, it is necessary as eternity progresses.

The phone rings twice before Joshua answers, trying my patience. For such an ancient vampire, I have little when it comes to such matters.

" _Master, you must send the Guard to Forks."_

My immediate thought is to ask how dare he make demands, but something in his voice holds my tongue captive. Something is happening, and that idea excites me.

" _I can't even fathom to understand what is happening."_ Joshua goes on to explain his attempt to enter Cullen territory after a strange event in Seattle, Washington that robbed him of almost two hours of time. He's once again lost more time each time he's reached Forks.

My curiosity is piqued; snapping my fingers to ensure Joshua has the undivided attention of my brothers. The more I listen, the more I realize it appears a trip to visit a dear old friend is in order.

* * *

 **AN: So that happened. Thanks to MC for your help the chapter. Any mistakes are mine, I tinkered a bit here and there. I want to say I'll be done in a few chapters, but my characters are being a-holes and Edward says at least ten more. I have a vague idea of where I want this to go and how it ends, but again, my characters are in control. Thanks for reading!**


	12. Try

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Twelve—Try**

* * *

 _The Place in Between_

"I thought Alice couldn't see your future." Bella crawls onto my lap once the area has transformed to her specifications.

"She did in some of the previous loops, but they come to her too fast, even for a vampire." I cradle her in my arms, a soft bed beneath us, luxurious silk sheets. They pale in comparison to her skin, something I've discovered since awakening here again. My fingers trace the blue veins under the surface, lingering on tiny freckles.

"Has she ever seen mine?"

I do my best to concentrate on the conversation, my attention on the distracting brush of her fingers in my hair. It takes considerable control not to close my eyes and lose myself to the sensations.

"Only ours, it appears. It takes time for her to receive them for anyone and become second nature. I was the easiest, after Jasper, of course. Rosalie and Emmett took a bit longer; humans would be harder, I believe."

Bella hums, shifting until she straddles my lap. She's quite distracting. "What are we doing when we have to go back?"

Does she expect me to talk when she's close enough for me to count every eyelash? I can feel our breaths mix between us and the warmth of her body against my own. Focusing on talking seems impossible.

I decide to humor her, though, to plan another loop that never goes as planned. "Well, let's see. The meadow is out since…"

"Bees." She pouts and shudders. "No meadow. School?"

"We've tried that, you seem to die much sooner there."

She nods in understanding. "Maybe we should concentrate on desensitizing you to my blood."

I swallow, my mouth watering at the memory of her intoxicating blood. "So soon?"

She sighs and looks up at me; crimson flecks enhance the deep brown of her eyes. Before I get a chance to mention the change, she whispers something too soft for me to hear.

"What was that?" I look around confused, aware of various internal voices, though we are alone. "Did you say something?"

"The walls are crumbling," she whispers, her arms tightening around my neck. "I think that's why Alice saw us clearer last time."

"Walls?" My attention is on the voices behind me, an argument of some kind. A familiar voice, one that sends my senses into overdrive. _Wolf._

Bella nods and presses her lips to mine, taking any chance to focus on what's happening. "Try again, please. I'll wait for you in my room."

The place in between darkens around us as I agree to her request.

.

.

.

* * *

 _Monday_

The wind picks up as Bella's father pulls out of the driveway, heading to work. I wonder, for the fifth time since the loop started, why I've agreed to this. How have I allowed myself to be talked into starting this so soon?

The chances of succeeding are less than one percent.

" _The walls are crumbling."_

Does she mean we are running out of time?

I hear Bella move in her room and find her staring at me from her window. She's waiting for me. Giving me a chance to make the decision to follow through with her request. Despite the short time that I've known her, I know she'll forgive me if I can't do it yet.

Can I control the beast? The part of me that still thirsts for her blood, but in its own way, loves her, too. She's the missing piece after a century of incompletion.

"Edward." The whisper of my name travels between us, through glass and air, slicing through my resolve to protect her from myself. She takes a step back, a mix of disappointment and understanding on her beautiful face. Before her foot falls into another step, I'm at her window.

She watches me with a mixture of relief and disbelief. "It can wait."

I shake my head, climbing inside. My eyes roll closed as her mind-numbing scent encompasses me. One would think that after so many loops, her scent would not have the same effect as the first time.

A soft, familiar tune filters through her small CD stereo on her nightstand. Curious, I look at her as she shyly shrugs and fidgets by her bed. "It's not the same as when you play it on the piano, but I do still like it."

"Debussy." I nod and take her hand, lifting it to my lips, then entwining it with mine.

She shakily takes a breath. "I can't help feeling nervous."

"We're the same in that regard, Bella." I lift our connected hands higher, my free arm circles her waist, and I pull her closer. Her hair shifts around her pale shoulders, curls teasing the tops of her breasts. Dressed in a simple, gray tank top and shorts, her skin prickles with goosebumps at my much cooler touch.

After a few moments, her head settles on my chest. Her fragrant hair tickles my chin, teases my nose, and I can't help but kiss her temple. As usual, twin lusts battle for control and it's for the best that we don't provoke the beast.

"Don't move too much."

She nods.

"Don't pull on my hair."

Her fingers squeeze mine. "Okay."

"Try not to make a sound."

She says nothing since we are well aware that it will be futile to ask such a thing. The bite of my teeth has elicited different reactions previously, mostly pain and surprise.

"I imagined this." She blushes but offers me a small smile.

"You've imagined us dancing and me biting you?"

"Yes." Her brow tightens with some confusion. "But not here, in a different place." She shrugs. "It's not important. It was just a dream."

I laugh. "Why would you dream of me? I fail to understand."

She rolls her eyes. "If you could, wouldn't you dream of me?"

"Every waking moment and every lonely night."

"I've known since this all started that there would be two outcomes: I die or become like you. So yes, I've imagined what it'd be like to be changed in a more romantic manner than that first time. Though, I didn't imagine three days of pain."

"The thought to change you the first time never entered my mind."

She sighs. "Because you were a mindless, thoughtless beast."

"That hasn't changed."

She pushes at my chest, causing me to take several steps back in surprise. "Bullshit."

I charge toward her, pinning her to the bed. "Never forget that it's in my nature to be just as you called me. Mindless, thoughtless, a damn beast. Nothing has changed."

She glares. "If that were the case, we'd be in the between by now."

Her words barely register through my overwhelmed senses. Scent and touch are amplified by thousands as her hips undulate under mine. The moment is reminiscent of the loop where I took her life in her bed for the first time.

The first time I reacted to her blood in another way. The memory, the scent of her arousal brings on the lust we've barely explored between us. The time in my car seems so distant, leaving me wanting, needing more.

My lips slant over hers in a brutal kiss that leaves her breathless. She pants unevenly as my mouth continues to explore her shoulders, my fingers snapping the straps of her tank top and bra.

"Try," she commands in a whisper. "Don't drink, just push in the venom. Then you can continue."

I groan and find the patch of skin on her neck where her scent is more potent. My incisors penetrate the layer of delicate tissue. My thoughts, once again, not my own as her taste bursts on my tongue. The slick warmth quenches a different kind of thirst but does little to slake it.

I need more; my lips form a seal, and I suck. And suck. Then the unthinkable happens: something pulls me away from the frenzy. A sound that resembles a roar, forces my lips away from the source of perfect sustenance.

All at once, my other senses make themselves known, mostly centered on one point of my body. A small, warm hand is curled around my cock. Skin to skin. Softness on unrelenting steel.

A triumphant Bella smiles from under a curtain of dark hair.

 _Fuck me._

* * *

 **AN: Sorry for the cock block! I'm almost finished with the next chapter and it'll be a bit longer, I promise. Crosshairs and The Letter updates are almost done and will be heading to my beta this week. Incognito is seriously pissing me off, I can't get those two to talk to me at all. I made time to write for the next few days, so crossing my fingers that my mojo continues. Thanks to MC for all her help with the chapter and all the hand holding. I need it.**


	13. Uninvited

**Perpetual Existence**

 _All at once, my other senses make themselves known, mostly centered on one point of my body. A small, warm hand is curled around my cock. Skin to skin. Softness on unrelenting steel._

 _A triumphant Bella smiles from under a curtain of dark hair._

 _Fuck me._

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen—Uninvited**

I groan at the sensation of her touch, of her warmth surrounding me. My eyes roll back, my body shaking with the desperate need to move. Another sound falls unbidden from my lips; my quick, cool exhale causes goosebumps to form across Bella's skin.

Bloodstained skin. Worry tightens my brow, forcing my thoughts from the feelings her touch brings me.

"No, close your eyes and just feel." Her fingers tighten around me—a slow, heated slide of them pulls me away from the call of her blood.

A part of me realizes it isn't only her exquisite touch. Worry has been the number one thought, the pleasure a close second, or at least competing for the top spot.

"Bella." My voice only a rough whisper is enough for her to cradle my face with her free hand. I want to see her beautiful eyes, but would they be drenched with pain? Shouldn't she be screaming from the bite?

"I'm okay. Keep concentrating on this." She gives me a thorough exploration with her tongue and lips along my jawline; the sensitivity of my skin there seems to have grown under her soft, sweet kiss.

Something in my thoughts alerts me, a warning, but being so lost in Bella, I can't respond fast enough. Jasper crashes through the door; I crouch over her body as she screams, snarling at the threat.

Jasper's eyes are deep onyx, an indication that bloodlust is what drives him. It hardly matters; the beast within me reacts to the threat of both our meal and mate. The state of my nakedness matters little as Jasper reaches for Bella, his hand clamping down on her ankle as he pulls her toward the foot of the bed and him.

She screams as her tiny, delicate bones break under his grip.

I roar and launch myself toward Jasper; a metallic crack reverberates around the room. His arm comes off with ease, and I toss it over my shoulder. He snarls at me, his remaining arm trying to pry my hands from around his throat.

"We're too late!" Alice screams from the hallway; the booming footsteps of Emmett are coming up the stairs.

"What the fuck?" Emmett manages to pull me off Jasper, but it's too late. Jasper lays in pieces at my feet; the only sound in the room is my labored breathing and Bella's whimpers. I gather her in my arms; she's the only thing I can focus on, not even Alice's heart-wrenching sobs stop me.

I fly out the window with my precious cargo. Bella's head tucks against my neck, her tears, drenched with pain, almost bring me to my knees.

The consequences of what I've done to protect my mate have not hit me fully. Not until I come to a stop at the edge of our meadow; though, pristine in its beauty, it's stained with blood now. Painful memories superimpose over all the peace it once brought me.

"Please stop."

I don't want to, because I know what she'll ask of me.

"Please, just d-do it." She gasps, her body contouring in my hold. My venom has already started to work its way through her pain. I fall to my haunches, cradling her in my arms. "You'll never be able to live with his death on your hands and neither can I."

There's a chance they can save him, put him together, but I know from experience reattached limbs are one thing, but a severed head…they are never the same. In my rage, I almost managed to separate Jasper's head from his shoulders. But the damage is too much to comprehend.

"I can't." My eyes burn, my lips peppering her forehead. She's burning up, from the inside out; a fever has made her skin flush angry-pink. The change is happening faster than either of us has anticipated.

Death lingers on the fringes of this perpetual reality, watching us, still neutral and no indication of malice present. It's found a way to complete its mission to ensure her death, by somehow influencing Jasper's curiosity of my sudden disappearance earlier. I had left the house without a word or explanation.

My family had been so shocked, so Death whispered in Jasper's ear.

I've been wrong; Death is sentient. Aware.

"Not like this." I kiss Bella's soft lips and snap her neck.

My eyes close as her heart stops, and I welcome oblivion. I'm desperate to be in her arms in the only place that gives us some peace.

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **The Place Between**_

The room where I meet my destiny is warmer than usual; Bella rests on a soft bed, naked and waiting.

"If I've died and gone to heaven, please do not wake me." As long as she's with me, it's all that matters.

She welcomes me in her cool embrace, her skin glittering dully under the skylights that illuminate the room. "That was awful, but let's enjoy the limited time we have here."

I slip out of the clothes I have on and slide into bed with her. The luxurious silk sheets do not compare to the softness of her skin. Her warmth welcomes me as her arms wrap around me. Her long legs intertwine with my own. Though my body reacts to her nearness, it's the comfort I long for.

"What are we going to do?" I can't help but look around the space. It almost seems like someone has pulled back a curtain, the feeling of privacy feels transparent. The reason why I fail to understand.

"I don't know." She hums, her song vibrating against her lips as she kisses me. "We'll figure it out in a while; right now, I want to explore you."

Comfort falls away to potent desire.

She pushes the sheets off us slowly, a blush blossoms in her cheeks, along her neck, to color the center of her chest. A soft sigh escapes her the moment she settles on my hips.

My eyes roll closed in desire, once again. Though it feels different, since we're both not quite human or vampire in this place, it's just as amazing. My instincts focus for a moment on that thought, but the gentle scrape of her nails on my chest forces my eyes to snap open.

She's a vision sitting astride me; a small mischievous smile lights up her eyes. "Are you here with me, Edward?" A minute roll of her hips emphasizes her words.

Never before had I ever thought dirty talking was a desirable trait in the thousands of the movies, books, and thoughts I endured over the years.

I need to hear more.

Instinctively, I thrust up to show her that I'm indeed with her. She moans. The sound, the way she throws her head back is enough to bring my primal instincts to the surface. I growl and roll her under me; she mewls softly, even laughing at the sudden change.

Her laughter soon turns to drawn out, needy sighs. I explore the length of her neck, the curves of her breasts, and linger at each pebbled tip. My teeth are not a threat here in the space in-between, so I indulge. She loves the gentle bites and the soothing coolness of my tongue.

Animalistic sounds slip from my lips, her name no more than a growl, as her thighs fall open. An invitation. I gather some semblance of control and ask her the most important question. "Are you sure?"

We both know the space between isn't reality, but a place our minds have created. Does that even matter? It's real for us.

Her hands lift to cradle my face, her eyes wide-open in more than one way, without words, they answer me first. She whispers a soft "yes," and kisses me with the tenderness she deserves. She's been through perpetual hell during all of this, in constant pain, and she needs the man to rise to the occasion.

Not the beast…for now.

"I love you," I whisper the words against her lips, kissing her until she's breathless and feeling as lost as I do. We share a wealth of nips, slow glides of our tongues, and promises between us. Though the future is unknown, here together, we have each other, and that's what matters.

The tempting tips of her breasts deepen in color as I take one then the other into the coolness of my mouth. Her hips undulate beneath me, causing me to groan and rub my length against her thigh. I sense her approaching orgasm and redouble my efforts, and I look up in time to see her throw her head back and cry out my name.

Her body freezes then starts to tremble, quaking under me.

I climb between her thighs, pressing my lips on hers. She answers in kind, stroking her tongue against mine with renewed vigor.

"Now, now, now," she pants.

She shivers and whimpers as I slip my fingers between us. She's wet and incredibly warm on my fingers, and the desire reaches an all-time high. How can anyone want to do anything but this with the one they love?

I replace the tips of my fingers with my length, her hands still on my back, but only for a second. Just as quickly, she asks for more, and I'm not one to deny her. In aching slowness, yet incomparable rapture, I slip inside her. Her lashes flutter, her lips fall open the moment I join us until we're one.

Her brief moments of pain keep us still, but soon, a melody of gasps and moans puncture the air around us the second her hips roll with mine, ready for more. Somehow, I slide in deeper on my next thrust inside her, both of us cry out in mutual surprise and ecstasy.

It doesn't take long for us to find a perfect rhythm, her gaze on me and mine on her. Unable to look away, I wrap my arms under her back and over her shoulders, pulling and pushing her body to bring us the most intense feeling of bliss and contentment. That is until we find an undeniable burst of satisfaction as we both fall into oblivion.

She's become my entire world. I'll do anything for her. Even die.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry for the delay, it's been hard to get quality writing time. I need like a perpetually full Starbucks card to get away from the family and chores, lol. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for the help on the chapter. Without her, she calms all those repetitive words/phrases I tend to overuse and like grammar stuff.**


	14. Bang, Bang

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Fourteen—Bang, Bang**

* * *

 _ **The Place Between**_

For the first time in years, I fall into a deep sleep, but only after gathering a slumbering Bella into my arms. The soft weight of her body comforts me and brings me a sense of contentment I had never felt before.

I question my vision a while later, as everything around me seems to be blurred, as if a film coats my eyes and prevents me from seeing things as they are. Bella is no longer sleeping on top of me; her long hair isn't draped across my chest. Anxiety has me spinning in circles, searching for her.

"Bella!" The sound of my voice is muted and indistinct. I see her silhouette walk toward me, her figure as familiar as my own. I run to her, desperate to feel her touch. Whatever is happening, she alone holds the answers. The moment my hands touch her, she becomes more distinct. My beautiful Bella. "What's happening?"

She cocks her head and smiles up me, but it's filled with fear. "The walls are crumbling."

"The bubble that we're stuck in, is that what you mean?" It makes sense, now that we're in sort of a time distortion bubble.

She nods and looks over her shoulder. "I can hear the others; that means something."

"Where are we now?"

She fists her hand in my shirt to pull me closer. "I needed to show you what's wrong." Her hands lift to cover my ears. "Listen with your mind. Become what you are."

I growl, shaking my head and capturing her wrists between my fingers. "Not here. It's the only place I can be with you, truly be with you."

"If the wall crumbles and you're not strong enough, I will likely die by Death's influence. There will be no more do-overs."

She pulls away as tears start to fall down her cheeks. "Keeping this up is killing me. Soon there will be nothing left of my mind, of me. Only a shell."

A whimper falls from my lips as I go to her, but before I can touch her again, she lifts her head up and screams.

It's not a dream, but a nightmare.

.

.

.

* * *

 _ **The 25**_ _ **th**_ _ **Monday**_

I gasp awake on the stairs of my family home, realizing that, at most, I have a handful of cycles to find the strength to initiate Bella's change, somehow prevent a war with the Quileute after they learn of what I've done, and stop Bella from disappearing forever.

"Edward?" Alice stands at the foot of the stairs, and her husband is quick to join her. It takes considerable control not to tear him apart.

Jasper senses my rage but doesn't step back, knowing that a move like that would provoke the beast within me. "What have I done to deserve such anger toward me?"

My shoulders sag under the weight of what I've done and what I still have to do. A sound reverberates around the room, only to find it's coming from me. My family surrounds me in one blink of my eyes.

I tell them not to ask any questions as I explain the perpetual hell Bella and I have lived in for what seems like weeks. Their reactions to my story run the gauntlet of emotions.

"Someone needs to go to the borderline and see if anyone other than Bella and Edward is allowed to leave the area." Carlisle paces away from me, his mind running a thousand different scenarios as mine has since this all started.

Jasper shakes his head. "Edward said that we've been as far as Seattle. What if the farther we travel from Forks, we weaken the distortion? It could break, and then we'd only have one chance of her survival."

I stop breathing as a thought runs through one of their minds. "I think you're right, Emmett."

My brother shrugs as the others look at him. "If the walls break with no solution, she'll probably die."

Rosalie sighs and heads toward the stairs. "Well, that's all figured out. Let it break and _we'll_ be fine."

"But Edward won't." Esme's words cause the rest of my family to turn to me for confirmation. "She's his mate."

I nod and watch as her face lights up then falls as realization sinks in; she knows I could lose her.

"There's more besides Bella at risk." I glare at Rosalie. "The wolves are outside of the bubble; I can hear their thoughts at times, even now, though they're nowhere near me. From what I have caught, their small pack has doubled in size in the last few cycles, too."

We're aware that impending danger from their natural enemy triggers some young Quileute to shift. Could the current phenomenon be the cause? Or could it be something else?

"What does that mean?" Emmett folds his arms over his chest, his jaw twitching. "Are you saying outside the loop time is moving normally?"

"I believe so." My mind whirls with possibilities. "Imagine the consequences of the town in which we live in, suddenly can't be contacted, no one can come in or out."

"The Volturi would be quite interested in the fact that the town, in which the second largest coven of vampires, suddenly can't be reached." Jasper runs a hand through his hair, his southern drawl more evident; both a sign of his mounting fear. "It could explain the new shifters."

"Still, we should see if something happens if we try to head to the border." Carlisle stands in the middle of our family, having convened in the living room. "We won't go past the border, but we need them to understand this is something that's inadvertently affecting us, too."

"I don't think they can see inside the loop, only that when they reach the affected area, they lose time and have no idea what happened or why." The voices Bella allowed me to hear earlier were jumbled, but they were starting to make sense.

"What's the answer here? Keep her alive for _one_ entire day?" Rosalie appears unfazed by the task at hand. "How much trouble can one, stupid, human girl get into?"

Alice shakes her head as I picture exactly how much trouble Bella can get into. "According to Edward, a lot. She's been hit by a car, car accident, stung by a bee, electrocuted, and you've also broken her neck, Rosalie."

My sister grins. "Explains why I'm getting those looks from you, dear brother."

I shrug, unable to lie in the face of the truth. It can take years before forgiveness allows me to forget the image of already hurting Bella falling victim to Rosalie's cruel hands.

"Did I kill her, too?" Jasper takes one look at me and now understands why I'm still angry with him, and nods. "More than once I take it."

"Yes." I move away before I'm tempted to hurt him again. The sound of her bones cracking in his hand is something I will hear every time I see him for a long time. "There's a shadow, possibly an Angel of Death, which is following her around. She believes it's been with her since she prevented her death months ago. It can't move on until it completes its mission."

I quickly explain how she was supposed to have died in the same car accident of her mother and stepfather.

"Angels of Death are real?" Emmett motions that his mind is blown, but the rest of my family looks at him in disbelief. "What? Vampires and werewolves are one thing, but angels are a different matter. They've been around longer than our kind."

Esme closes the distance between us. She cradles my face in her hands, searching my eyes. "You love her."

"I do."

She seems satisfied and nods. "That settles it. We are going to help them, and whatever happens, we'll figure it out together."

The others, including Rosalie, agree.

The phone rings unexpectedly, the only other time it happened in the previous loops was when Bella committed suicide. I don't bother to explain and run out the front door; Alice has already foreseen my reaction.

Sirens wail as I approach the back of the Swan home, and immediately, I stop breathing just in case. Charlie is upset—his weapon had discharged when he dropped it before leaving for work; Bella had been on the stairs.

A gurney is being lifted into an ambulance, but I don't dare to go near it. She's not dead; I can make out the fast beat of her heart. One of the EMTs goes over her status in her head as she climbs into the back of the ambulance. The bullet missed Bella's artery by only a few centimeters.

I answer my cell phone when it vibrates; it has to be Alice.

" _She's going to make it."_ She sounds unsure.

"What's wrong?" _Other than everything_ , I keep to myself.

" _I see that she's fine in a hospital bed after surgery, she wakes up and sees you, smiles, and then nothing."_

"That's it?" There has to be more. "Meet me at the hospital, please. I need to see the vision." If the shadowy figure is present in it, I have no doubt something ridiculous will kill her, if not me.

 _I love her._

 _I love her._

 _I love her._

It's time for me to stop fighting what I am and work together with the beast inside me and set us free from this perpetual existence.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks to MC for her help with the chapter. I returned from my trip out to AZ mid-week last week, and I'm getting ready for the annual camping trip this Thursday (send help). So much to do, this fic is almost coming to an end. I can see it all clearly, hoping that it stays that way over the rest of the week. I had to double check, but yes, they've repeated the day 25 times. That's insane. They're going to hate Mondays after this, lol.**


	15. Decisions

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Fifteen—Decisions**

* * *

I sneak in through an employee entrance on the side of the hospital building. My father is already here and prepping for surgery. Bella continues to lose blood and he fears a bone fragment is nicking something vital.

It takes considerable restraint not to head straight to the operating room to watch over her, kill her, or attempt her change. Instead, I look for Charlie, noticing, not for the first time, how muddled his thoughts are to me. I suspect it's through him that Bella has inherited her shield, keeping me from her thoughts.

The guilt he feels for accidentally shooting his daughter is unbearable. It chokes him, coats every corner of his mind with self-loathing.

"Sir." I startle him, though it couldn't be helped. "Have they taken her into surgery?" I already know the answer; Carlisle has started. Yet, I have to keep my thoughts away from his; I couldn't stomach seeing him cut Bella open.

Charlie's brow furrows in confusion. "You're Carlisle's boy?" He snapped his fingers. "Edmund, right?"

I offer a simple smile. "Edward, sir. I met Bella while she was in town the first time she came home." It seems easier to answer his unasked question, despite it being a lie. The truth will only hurt him.

"Your father was scrubbing in when I arrived." Once again, confusion has him wondering how Carlisle arrived before he did.

"My father and I were already heading into town when my mother received the call at home. She called us right after."

"Ah." If he realizes I've answered another unasked question, he doesn't seem to show it. Not even through his fragmented thoughts. It feels like I need to push harder than usual to get to them, and even then, I can't get every word.

"Alice and my mother should be here shortly."

Charlie nods. "My daughter told me about meeting them last time she was here." His eyes narrow down to slits. "Funny she didn't mention you."

 _Why wouldn't she tell me? Does…does she like the boy? Oh God, I'm not ready for her to date. If she makes it._

I manage to keep my reaction to his thoughts from surfacing, but only barely. If he only knew how well I know his daughter. Even though the place in-between the loops isn't real, it is to us.

I have to turn away, as I almost get lost in the memory of our time together. Being inside her. Loving her with all that I am. The only escape from this perpetual hell.

"Our encounter was rather short." I can't help but smile, remembering the memory from Alice's mind all those months ago. "She was very helpful to my mother and sister."

"Ah, Alice; she's dropped by a time or two."

 _What?_ My reaction doesn't surface, but inside I'm nearly seething. Had Alice seen something before all this happened? Was that the reason she insisted on helping Esme, instead of me going myself that morning all those months ago?

"She can be insistent."

Charlie snorts, nodding. "She dropped off clothes she thought Bella would love when she came back." He rubs at the back of his neck, a forlorn look on his face. "I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't think she would come home."

"Alice has a keen sense of things."

He looks at me, his eyes narrow. "Your sister mentioned you once or twice, too. Now that I think about it." Our conversation is providing exactly what he needs, a distraction. His heart rate is almost back to normal, his blood pressure is still a little high, but considering the situation, it's much better.

"As I said, Alice has a keen sense of things…and people."

His eyes narrow more. "Have you stayed in touch with Bella after she went back to Phoenix?" Sadness replaces the suspicion in his eyes, realizing he may not be the reason she's come home.

"Here and there; I think we both feared to get too attached if she didn't come back."

"And now that she's here?"

I shrug and swallow hard. The sting in my eyes is a reminder that I have no ability to cry. "We started talking more in the last week. She wanted to spend more time with you." In the place between, she told me why she moved in the first place and how much she needed to get away from her amorous mother and husband. Her father was the biggest factor in her decision to come home.

Charlie doesn't have such limitations, his eyes filling with unshed tears. "Now she may…"

I shake my head. "She's going to be fine because my father will do everything in his power." The second I say the words aloud; I realize it's the truth. If Carlisle knows he can't ensure her life with modern medicine, will he find a way to change her?

Do I want him to do it himself?

No.

It has to be me, right? A part of me welcomes his help, another part, that is more monster _and_ human fills with jealousy. She is _my_ mate, not his.

"Excuse me; I'm going to meet with Alice and my mother outside." I leave without a glance back, desperate to get closer to where Bella lies under the hands of my father.

His mind is only on the careful precision of the scalpel, the calculations to ensure he doesn't press too hard or too soft, blood pools on her stark white skin.

My mouth waters, a growl slipping through my lips. Having heard me, his attention falters for a fraction of a second, enough to slice through an artery.

" _Go home, Edward! Leave this second."_ Even as his words register in my mind, his team work together to bring the bleeding under control, all of them shaken. The great Carlisle Cullen has never made a mistake in their eyes.

"Edward?" Alice and Esme stand directly behind me as I stand frozen. "Something changed suddenly and she's not going to make it."

"You haven't been able to see her for several loops, are you sure?"

She shakes her head as I turn to face them. "Whatever has been shielding me, maybe it's weaker."

I glare at her, angry about what I've learned from Charlie. "Did you know if she returned here that she'd die? Become one of us?"

Esme rubs Alice's back, but her thoughts are a series of blueprints she studied the night before.

"Once she made the decision to come back, I saw her as one of us, but I didn't know why until today."

"Show me the vision." The tension in my voice makes it almost unrecognizable. I'm on a razor's edge. The loop is a wash; only if there's a certainty of her survival, will it stop me from killing her again. To start over.

 _Bella stands in a field, sunlight pouring over her pale skin, bouncing off in colorful prisms. Her hands rise in front of her, her fingers spread out. Cracks start to spread like veins along her arms and her beautiful face as she concentrates._

" _Be careful, Bella! If it's too strong—" My voice carries across our usual baseball field._

 _She screams as she falls to her knees, a force of some kind thrusts her back into my waiting arms. I'm surrounded by family, Charlie, and our Denali cousins._

"Why would her father be there? Our cousins?"

"Think about it, Edward." Esme steps forward, reaching for me, but I'm wound too tight and step back.

I will not handle anyone touching me at the moment; the beast is almost in complete control.

"If this time distortion has cut us from the outside world, they would not be able to reach us either. Eleazar calls…"

"Every Wednesday night." I nod, understanding why they will be there after Bella's change, even though Charlie's presence still makes no sense. Bella would never want her father to put his life on the line by knowing the truth of what we are.

What she will be.

"How did the vision change for today?"

"She dies a few hours after surgery, accidentally overdosed by faulty machinery."

I curse and nearly roar out loud. "Death. It wants her and will use any means necessary to achieve its goal."

Alice and Esme exchange of look of concern and uncertainty. "You think Death does something to the machine?" Esme disappears down the hall and whispers low enough for humans not to hear her, but loud enough to reach my father. She relays what we think may happen.

Carlisle replies in his thoughts. _"I'll administer all doses myself until…when you're ready, Edward."_

Ready to change her. Is it fair for her father to live with the guilt he carries for an accident created by Death? What would she want me to do?

I explain to Alice and Esme of my dilemma. "How can I possibly make this decision?"

Esme steps forward again, and this time, I let her wrap her arms around me. "Make it with love."

She wouldn't want her father hating himself and would hate him fussing over her for even a moment.

She has to die again.

* * *

 **AN: You all know Bella wouldn't want her father to live with that kind of guilt. He's only doing what needs to be done. Thanks to MC for the help on the chapter and just being super supportive. My cafe time next week for me, so can't wait!**


	16. Fool

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Sixteen—Fool**

* * *

 **Edward**

A liaison for the hospital shows Bella's father, Alice, my mother, and me to a private waiting area. The tension in the room is thick.

I laugh. "She'd hate that we were here waiting and worrying."

Charlie nods; a small on his lips. He wants to say something, but he stops as he glances at the others. His mind oddly blocks me from whatever he's thinking, and it's as infuriating as Bella's ability to keep me out.

I notice from my peripheral vision that Alice's brow is tight with confusion. Her thoughts can't seem to pinpoint Charlie's future, much like Bella and me in past loops.

Strange.

I share a look, telling her silently that we need a few minutes alone. She makes an excuse, along with Esme, that they'll run along to get some drinks for everyone.

The moment they're gone, Charlie's eyes narrow on me. "Stop trying to read my mind."

I don't bother to ask how he knows, but I remain frozen in shock.

"She's not the only one with her abilities; she just happens to be more powerful." He snorts, shaking his head. "I realized I can change a life-changing moment the first year on the force."

Again, I'm shocked. Knowing I can read his mind is one thing, but claiming to have the same ability as Bella to create a loop to prevent her death is mind-numbing.

"It was a routine traffic stop, and it was foggy. Visibility was nearly zero, but we both pulled off enough that it should've been safe. It was not."

The memory seems distorted and somewhat faded. It flickers as another image is superimposed over it. The original memory under the reality, though they are technically both true. He simply changed it. In the first, he was hit by a runaway car, killing him instantly. The "fixed" reality had him asking the driver to step out and they walked farther away from the freeway. The driver sideswiped the driver's car instead, all three involved survived.

"It took ten different loops for me to figure out what fate needed." Something in his voice says there is more to that day.

"When did this happen?"

The date once again sends me into a tailspin. Approximately nine months before Bella was born.

"I thought it was me creating this damn hell loop, but it's obvious now, that it's her."

I sigh, shaking my head. "I should've figured you'd have some of her ability."

"How many loops has it been?" He crosses his arms over his chest.

"Almost thirty."

He curses and gets up to pace, his hands tugging on his hair. "Usually, if anyone else is caught in the loop, they have no clue what's happening. Me, I can't control it. The instances were random, at best. It took quite a few loops to figure out something was going on now, then this time I realized it wasn't me, but my daughter. How do you know we're repeating the day?"

"I'm not…"

He spun to face me, realization clearing his mind enough for me to read him with ease. _"Natural enemies of the Quileute Tribe."_

I don't answer for his safety. It is, however, what he needs to confirm his thoughts.

"Is my daughter safe with you?"

I shake my head. "Not quite yet."

"How do we beat this?"

"Did you have Death following you around during your loops?" If he has her ability, then it would stand to reason that Death is determined to fulfill its mission.

He pales and has to sit down, his heart racing much too fast. "Death? No, at least I never noticed." He takes a few moments to regain his composure. "You didn't answer my question, how do _we_ beat this?"

"It takes about three days to undergo the transformation."

His jaw drops, his eyes widening, reminding me of Bella's doe-like gaze.

My blackened heart twists in pain.

"You need to…" He can't say it out loud; the shake of my head tells him not to anyway. "If you can do it, she should live past the day and end the curse."

"In a sense, yes; however, it's not an easy task." His thoughts indicate he doesn't believe me, considering the size of my family. He isn't stupid; he realizes that we're all the same. "She would be my one and only."

"You've never done it."

I sense where his thoughts are heading and stop him. "My father can't be the one to do it from what we can tell. She can die from another's hand in each loop, but not her own. We believe it has to be me since…" Should I tell him what she means to me?

"Don't leave me hanging, Son."

"She's my mate."

He sits back and tries to stop from berating me in his thoughts, but fails. I can't say I blame him, she's finally returned home to him and now he could lose her.

"Her…"

" _Blood?"_

I nod and continue. "My desire for her is especially potent."

" _You can't resist her blood?"_

I shake my head. "I'm trying and it's been difficult." Understatement. I lean forward and tell him something else rather important. "I love her, sir. I want to save her, but you must understand, you are not allowed to know. No human is, and now, your life is in danger."

I explain the Volturi, and how we believe, since we are in a time distortion bubble, they could be waiting for us once it collapses. That if he knows about our kind, it could get not only him executed, but also my entire family, along with Bella.

"The memories fade over time," Charlie finally says after I explain. "If all this wasn't happening now, I wouldn't have remembered them at all."

"I have to end this loop, sir."

"Is it because of me?"

There is no use in denying it. "And Bella. If the memory will fade, so will the guilt that's consuming you now."

Before he can attempt to change my mind, I exit the room in my super speed. Carlisle sees me as I enter the recovery room, wanting to stop me, but instead steps back.

She looks peaceful as she sleeps, covered in bruises from her fall after being shot. Wires and machines surround her. It breaks my heart. I don't know if I can do this.

As Carlisle steps forward to offer some advice on the tip of his tongue, something dark crosses our vision, one of the machines starts sparking. We both yell as all the morphine is administered at once.

Something whispers in my ear as Bella's heart slows to a stop. _"You fool."_

.

.

.

* * *

I step onto the stairway of my home and gasp in horror. We've completely skipped the place in-between. Time isn't on our side, and it's clear, Bella's ability is fading fast.

Before any of my family can ask me what's wrong, I run to the phone in the living room and call Charlie. When he answers, he sounds confused, but he knows it's me immediately.

"Keep her there and stay with her. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Without explaining, I ask Carlisle to come with me. He doesn't ask what's wrong, but he follows as I run out the front door.

I cannot fail this time.

* * *

 **AN: So who saw that coming? Can they work together and succeed?**

 **Thanks to MC and to all my amazing readers. Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers, things haven't been easy but with all your support it seems a touch better every day. I went to Starbucks this Saturday thanks to a few readers and I wrote 10K in one sitting! On various fics and projects, but trust me, that's a big deal for me. I haven't pulled numbers like that in years. Hope to get some more cafe time this week and I have to think about what's next because this fic is almost over.**


	17. Shadows

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Seventeen—Shadows**

* * *

Explaining to Carlisle what is happening again is both frustrating and necessary. He says nothing as I share my experiences and describe how I've fallen for a human girl. Other than confusion, his thoughts do not give away what he's thinking.

Until it does.

 _Why do I feel like I've heard this before?_

I stop and stare at him. "You're experiencing déjà vu?"

"I believe so." He looks toward our destination; Bella's home appears unassuming and pale in the darkening sky. "Her heart rate is too low."

I listen and agree with him. "She's still asleep?" That doesn't make sense; Bella and I figured out we come into a loop at the same time, 7:02 am.

"It suddenly races, though." Carlisle's confusion is clear on his features, as is his concern. "I'd say she's in pain."

His words trail behind me as I run and climb up to her window, falling beside her bed, as Charlie holds her hand. She's pale and her skin ice-cold, and yet feverish in other areas. Her forehead is dotted with sweat.

"She won't wake up, Son." Fear chokes Charlie and clouds his thoughts. "I tried to, but nothing is working."

We both turn when we hear a creak of a floorboard in the hallway.

Carlisle pushes her bedroom door open more. "May I exam her?"

Charlie and I nod, getting to our feet and leaving my father to it. We step into the hallway, each of us pacing away and back.

"It's taking all her energy to retain the time distortion. That has to be it." Charlie stops and looks at me. "Has this happened before?"

I shake my head. "No, this is the first time."

"And it may be her last." Charlie curses and rubs a hand over his mouth, his eyes tearing up. "There was one life-changing moment I could change, but I failed."

"What?" This is news to me since he only mentioned the traffic accident incident in the last loop.

"I told you, the memories of these loops fade for me." He shakes his head. "Some more hit when I awoke and they weren't all life and death moments."

"What do you mean?"

"I tried to change Renee leaving with Bella when she was just a baby."

His memories hit me all at once.

His ex-wife holding a sobbing, tiny Bella in her arms, as she screams for her daddy. Bella dressed in flannel and scuffed jeans two years later, getting back up on her bike despite the scrape on her elbow and chin. Bella getting hit by a car and dying in Charlie's arms, and his suicide, unable to cope with her death.

"You had to let her go and take Bella with her."

"I was able to go back two years, but it nearly killed me. Had migraines for weeks, a bloody nose every day. It was worth it, though, because she was able to live for over a decade."

Bella's bedroom door opens and the worry on Carlisle's face is troublesome. "We need to get her to the hospital. If I'm right all her organs are starting to shut down."

"Fuck." I run past Carlisle and pull Bella into my arms. "Are you saying she may be too weak to change?"

"I don't know, Son. You were in a similar state, though feverish when I changed you."

"Will it be safe in the hospital?" Charlie pulls out his cell phone, no doubt ready to call for an ambulance. "I don't even know how she died in the last loop."

"No. _It_ killed her." I shake my head, knowing it's the truth. " _We_ have to monitor her ourselves while we attempt the transformation."

"I can pick up what I need from the hospital." Carlisle leaves before I can thank him.

"Mind telling me what happened in the last loop?" Charlie pulls out a backpack and puts some clothes for Bella inside.

"You've forgotten already?"

He shrugs. "I get a glimpse of her in the hospital room, but not much else. I'm human and my guess that as one, my mind could only handle so many versions of reality."

I don't bother answering him. He doesn't need to know about what put Bella in the hospital. "I'll meet you at home."

He nods and continues as I run down the stairs, carrying my precious cargo.

"I'll save you, my love."

Running is the only time I can clear my mind; a necessity now as I attempt to prepare myself for what's to come. I would have to initiate the transformation, put myself in the position to bite her, possibly more than once, and cause her more excruciating pain.

Something is closing in at the corner of my eye, a shadow. Death is determined to complete its mission.

"You can't have her!" I roar and circle to face it.

The dense, black smoke spreads and changes shape, enlarges and grows, circling in place. "Petty little vampire, you're forcing my hand to break our kind's rules."

 _Our kind?_

Suddenly, the dark mass condenses, becoming more solid. Tendrils of shadows continue to float around an imposing figure of a vampire.

This is no angel.

* * *

 **Carlisle**

"They're not here yet." Charlie opens the door of my home the second I step out of my car. He starts to help pull out the hospital supplies from the trunk, along with Alice and Esme.

I'm confused by this turn of events. Edward knows the importance of starting the transformation as quickly as possible.

He should be here.

Charlie's eyes widen. "They left before I did, so it doesn't make sense."

"Something is wrong." Alice sets down an IV and a box of medical supplies in the foyer. "Or right, I'm not sure. I still see Bella as one of us, but the rest of our future is uncertain."

"The Volturi." Jasper's jaw tenses, taking a stance in front of Alice. Not even his hunger and desire for Charlie's blood is a distraction to him. His mate is his only concern.

"I don't know." Alice seems so small and in pain, her hands rubbing her temples. "The harder I try to see our future, the more unclear it becomes."

"Edward's coming," Rosalie and Emmett run into the house from the backyard. Rosalie looks at me, a slim brow cocked. "He's not alone."

Charlie steps toward her. "He has Bella?"

Rosalie shrugs. "I'm assuming that's who he's carrying."

"Someone else is with him." Emmett looks at Charlie then me. "And he's not human."

"You mean…?"

Emmett shakes his head. "His eyes are red."

* * *

 **AN: Soooo. Yeah, I swear I'm not cackling. An evil smirk, sure. lol Thanks to MC for your help with the chapter, any mistakes are mine. Got twitchy and started adding stuff. Faced with a possible all writing weekend, my husband will be out of town, my kids are all super busy, and I'm either going to live in Starbucks or home all by myself. *crosses fingers & knocks on wood* See you all soon!**


	18. Rainfall

**Perpetual Existence**

 **Chapter Eighteen—Rainfall**

* * *

 **Edward**

The thoughts from various family members are almost too chaotic for me to process all at once. I seek refuge in Charlie's mind, only to find he recognizes the monster beside me.

It is quite obvious to me and to Death, as he chooses to call himself with morbid amusement and curiosity. He is not particularly surprised by the different colored eyes of my family, though it is the first time he's ever seen this color.

He bows slightly, his eyes settling on Charlie. "Charles."

"Adam," Charlie says in confusion. "You're the driver I pulled over."

The rest of my family is clueless, but I know immediately whom he spoke of—the incident when Charlie first learned he had some kind of gift.

"Yes, my formative human years—it was almost a decade after when I was changed. Thank you for saving my life."

Charlie can only nod, his mind is nearly numb with the possibilities of what it all means.

"Can someone clue in the rest of the family?" Rosalie insists, with her arms crossed over her chest, her features pinched with worry and frustration.

I honestly don't know where to begin, but Bella starts to tremble in my arms. Instead of answering, I turn to my father and Charlie. "Time is of the essence; I must prepare. We'll be in my room as Adam explains."

"Death," Adam corrects, a sly smirk on his face.

I roll my eyes.

Bella murmurs my name, her breath too cool against my neck. I rush upstairs, desperate to provide her some comfort.

.

.

.

* * *

 **Carlisle**

"Who are you?" I don't bother to ask what he is, it's obvious. His skin is as ashen as our own, but his eyes a hue of red I've never seen before. They practically glow.

"Who I am is not important. Adam was my human name, though now, thanks to Edward, I'm partial to Death." He nods at Charlie. "Approximately eighteen years ago, I was trapped in a loop, much like this one, though not quite as far-reaching, and I remembered every version of it. I was meant not only to live but to ensure the conception of Isabella Swan."

Emmett snorts. "Nice."

Charlie rolls his eyes. "I have the same gift as Bella, but not as powerful. It took several tries to get it right."

"But you succeeded?" Jasper and Rosalie question at the same time.

"Obviously." Adam, since I refuse to call him Death, nods. Barely restraining from rolling his eyes.

"I was forever changed that day," Adam continues, his hand rising to run through his long, dark hair. "I knew something had happened, but I realized it wasn't me who had done it. I kept a close eye on Charlie and his little family for this reason, curious to see if he was the one with this ability. I had almost given up, when I witnessed something once again when his wife prepared to leave him."

Charlie goes on to explain, prompted by Adam, my family in awe, and some show fear. If, as humans, Charlie and Bella have this kind of ability, what will they be like as immortals?

Emmett's stance turns protective and defensive, standing in front of the stairway leading to upper floors. "That explains what happened to you and how Bella came to be, but not why you kept killing her when my brother failed to suck her dry."

"The change must be successfully initiated as soon as possible. Him sucking her dry, as you so eloquently put it, would not be a success."

"Why does it have to happen now?" I ask, sensing trouble brewing within my family. I look to Jasper, and he nods, sending a calming wave throughout us.

Adam hisses and glares at my son. "If you value those precious curls, you will cease from using your gift now!"

Alice gasps, rubbing her temples. "I can't see anything when I look at your future."

Adam shrugs. "My Dear, I am currently living _in my_ future."

.

.

.

* * *

 **Edward**

I place Bella on the bed in the middle of my room that Alice realized I would need. She moans softly, reaching for me as I move away to find something a little less fitting on Bella. Due to my experience, I knew heavy fabrics can feel abrasive on the skin during the transformation. I need to provide her with as much comfort as possible.

"A bath, please." She holds up her arms, and I willingly lift her into my own. "We need a razor and a pair of scissors too, please, Edward."

I shake my head, even finding the ability to laugh a little. "You're prepared to be my mate for eternity, but you still want to do it with style, I'm guessing."

She blushes, though it doesn't spread far. "Never having to shave ever again would be awesome."

I place her on the countertop, but one look at my large shower enclosure with multiple showerheads makes her clap happily. "Never mind, a shower would be perfect."

I adjust the water temperature to a little warmer than usual, as her skin feels too cool.

"I'll be right back with the things you need." I kiss her forehead, as she starts to remove her clothes, finding her far too tempting. She is in pain, so I stomp down the now-familiar need for her, at least for now.

By the time I return with some soft pajamas from Alice, a razor, shaving cream, and a pair of Esme's cutting shears, Bella is standing under the rainfall showerhead.

She's not only breathtaking, but she also weakens my knees. I almost stumble into the glass, earning a look of concern, then a smirk! From my often-shy mate! The timing of this is laughable, but I can't fault her for finding something sweet and sexy to focus on.

I need to do the same.

"Join me?" She holds out her hand, and I'm delighted to see, it's no longer trembling.

My clothes disappear quickly, earning a sweet bubble of laughter from my mate. I place the items I've retrieved on the bench, turning on the taps there to warm up the area for Bella.

Though we've shared more than this in the space in-between, this is the first time since the loop in her bedroom where I can see every inch of her beautiful figure. She is so petite, barely reaching my shoulder, and I find it elicits the instinct to protect her at all cost.

Even from me.

Somehow sensing what I'm feeling, she closes the distance between us, and I willingly allow her to pull me under the warm shower. Her hands slide up my bare chest, hot fingertips tracing every ridge of defined muscle. Though I had been ill before my transformation, it healed me enough to keep from looking emaciated, thankfully.

I want to know what she's thinking, but as usual, I can't read her thoughts. The look of pleasure is easy to read, though. Dropping my gaze from her sweet face, I follow the path of a single drop of water instead. It lingers on the edge of her chin, falling to the hollow of her throat. A groan emanates from within me as I pull her closer, opening my mouth right over the drop. Her skin is an enticing combination of ice and fire. I know this isn't normal, but she distracts me from focusing on it.

"I'm not done exploring." Though I can't see her, I can hear the pout in her tone, which I need to see. I smile when I realize I'm right. "What are you smiling at?"

I kiss the tip of her nose, finding her not only enticing but also adorable. "You."

She rolls her eyes and hands me a bottle of lightly fragrant shampoo I took from Alice's room. Slowly, and somehow unbearably erotic, we clean every inch of her, remove all unwanted hair, together. I snip off the drier ends of her long hair, despite my telling her the venom will heal it.

She wraps her arms around my neck after spending some time allowing the water to flow over her. "I don't know how much time we have before the pain puts me under again."

I grip her hips almost too tightly at the mention of her pain. "I know."

Sadness flashes in her eyes, but it's gone within a moment. "Try not to focus on that yet. Will you make love to me…before you try to change me?"

I pull her even closer; my hands sliding down her back, over the inviting curves her backside and thighs. With a subtle grip, she wraps her long legs around my waist.

"Yes."

* * *

 **AN: I wrote this today at Starbucks and got it back from MC before dinner, so I thought I'd update right away. Thanks MC! Any mistakes are mine since I made some changes. It looks like 25 chapters, and yes, I'm aware you probably have more questions than answers. We'll get some more soon. Hope to get some more writing done this week.**


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